Trust, that was one word that Stephanie had always had trouble with. Not that she didn't know what it meant. It was just that she had trouble trusting people. It was all because of one guy. One stupid guy and one stupid secret. She had trusted him, spilled her guts to him, cried for him.
His name was Erik, she had known him for over a year and had trusted him fully. She had even felt that she was falling in love with him. At the time she thought she knew what it meant to be in love with someone.
Her decision to tell Erik the truth about something she had been hidden had been thought about for a while. She had thought about it long and hard. For this was a secret that she had never revealed to anyone.
"Eric, I need to tell you something."
"What is it? Are you alright?"
Normaly Stephanie would have answered yes to this question.
"No, I need to tell you something." she took a deep breath. "I need you to just let me say this, and then you can talk."
There was a slightly akward pause before she went on.
"Eric, about a year ago, I was down, really down." another pause. "I sat in my bathroom and tried to hang myself with my belt. I almost blacked out before it slipped and fell loose."
There was a really long pause from the other end of the line. For a minute Stephanie thought that Eric had hung up on her.
"Please, please don't ever try again. I don't know what I'd do without you. Please." He pleaded.
"Don't worry, I wouldn't do it again. I promise."
"Good, don't worry, your secret is safe with me."
Stephanie smiled and talked with Eric for a few more minutes before her mom yelled for her to get off the phone. After that she crawled under her navy blue blanket and sobbed until she finally fell asleep.It had taken so much to tell Eric that. Her dreams were filled with Eric and her, everything seemed so real.
He stood before her, his short blond hair and hazel eyes. He was at least a head taller than her. Eric was always wearing a red and blue baseball cap that seemed to annoy Stephanie to no end. In this dream of course, the hat was gone. Eric stepped closer, his eyes bore into her violet ones. He ran a hand through her short black hair. He wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her close.
Ringing, there was ringing, and it was interupting her perfect dream.
"This had better be good." Stphanie mutterd angrily to herself. "Hello?"
"Hey, sorry it's so late. I need to tell you what Eric told me." It was her cousin Jenny.
"What?" Stephanie asked, worry thick in her stomach.
"He said you tried to kill yourself. Is that true?" She asked sternly.
Stephanie felt her breath catch in her throat. Hadn't he just said that her secret was safe with him?
"Yeah, yeah it's true, but it was one time. It'll never happen again. Thanks for telling me Jen."
"Hey, we're family, its what we do Steph."
The girls said good-bye and Stephanie laid her head down on her pillow. How could he? She trusted him! She cried for him! She had even told him that she loved him. That night Stephanie cried. She didn't go to sleep. She didn't sleep for a week. Every night she would cry silently to herself. Every night she would avoid talking to him.
That week she broke up with Eric and asked him if it was true that he told. She knew the answer already, she just wanted to hear it from him.
"Yeah, I told her." He said nonchalantly.
"How could you! I trusted you Eric!" She cried.
"Well, someone needed to know." Was all he said.
"Someone did. You know! How could I have been so stupid?" She asked.
"Steph, I'm sorry."
"Don't talk to me anymore Eric. Don't call me, don't write to me. Just leave me alone." With that she hung up.
She couldn't even cry anymore. She had used all her tears the whole week. She didn't want to cry anymore because of him. He didn't deserve her tears even. He didn't deserve her.
He had betrayed her, she didn't know if she could ever trust anyone again. She would always be afraid of being hurt or betrayed again.
The hardest part wasn't falling in love with him. The hardest part was going to be falling OUT of love with him.