I’m in the shower, and usually you can’t hear crap in the outside world when you’re in the shower. But as of now, all I can hear other than the water running is my brothers screaming cries of war. Their obsession with Martial Arts and random off-balanced kicks is screaming in my ear 24/7. Last night, we had chinese food, eaten with chopsticks. I got out of the shower and noticed the absence of the screams, only to notice they had only been muffled by the presence of egg rolls and stir fry. And even still, they were very loud.

The majority of what they were saying would be written with M’s only, and physical rice being spat across the room. Dirty little slobs stuffin their faces like a starving pack of puppies.

I yell “shut up” 10 times before the volume is diminished for 4.5 seconds. And then again my ears are violated by the gagging, giggling screams. I never understand why you would still scream and talk when you’re gagging on the food in your mouth. You would think it’d be a sign telling you to shut up and eat. It even seems like the simplest, logical argument out there; like knowing not to play with a sharp knife. But to three obsessive boys these rules do not apply. Hell, rules don’t even exist in their book! Now try living with them.

Jesse is the youngest at the age of seven. He’s the cowboy of the family. He has this habit of walking around the house in a hand-me-down red cowboy hat, cowboy boots, and his Cars undies stuffed with cap-guns and fake katanas. He’ll jump out of random shadows only to shoot you down and leave you with a crapped pair of pants. While you’re waddling off in soiled pants, he’ll stand there like Yul Brinner, cause he just ran the banditos from town. And already he’s built like a Dorito chip. With broad shoulders, wide chest and a lil’ butt. I didn’t know it was possible for a boy to have abs at four, but he did. And it wasn’t little cute abs. These were full blown muscles. All of the boys are built. It's actually scary. They obviously got the longer end of the stick when it came to good genes.

Nekoda, or Koda, is nine and is the free spirit. Like Tarzan, he prefers loincloths....and that’s if he can’t be completely naked. He can do a whole middle split(which extends to an oversplit), and has been able to since he was a baby. He also has killer abs for his age and has an attitude of a bear. He gets really grumpy and pouty, only to be a complete goofy wreck within the next fifteen minutes.

Tonight, Mom was cleaning his ears out and saw some dirt on the Q-tip. “What is this?”, she asked, showing Koda the yellow stained Q-tip with the few specks of dirt on the end. He looked at it and then replied with a goofy face,“A Sssmiley face.”

With koda, J-walkers become Jerk Walkers, Waffle House into Awful House, and teddy bears into Purple Pink Polka-Dotted People Eaters. It's quite scary falling asleep around him, you might end up with a booger being placed in your open mouth.

Judah is eleven and is starting to enter puberty, so he’s pretty much grumpy all the time. Judah’s more of the pacifist, always trying to please people. Well, wait. Nevermind, he doesn’t care much about you or your feelings. He’s more of the type that will be all goody-two-shoes to your face, and then prank you later. On the outside he looks like a innocent eleven year old, but he really is a mastermind of terrible pranks. And thank God for Mom, who openly gives him ideas to test on you while you sleep. Good excuse for bad grades eh?

And let’s not even get onto the subject of my crazy older brother. The one that looks like a horse and a cat had a baby. Ya, thats what I said. Sage’s nose could be used as a sail. Got a boat, but not a sail? Put this twenty-one year old on your boat and you’ll get where you need to be sooner than if you did have a sail. He’s broken that Godawful nose several times, probably from smacking it on the doorframe so many times. The only thing that surprises me other than the fact that he actually has an object that damn big on his face is the fact that he can somehow see around it when he’s shooting. That boy is an expert sharpshooter with that big ass nose. Impossible? You’d think.

His obsessions have to do with Guns, tannerite(an white powder that explodes once shot), engines and Copenhagen longcut mint tobacco. With fine cut, he opens up that scarred bottom lip to say something; it all comes spilling out. All over his shirt. The guys in boot camp called him Scar-lip because the massive scar on his bottom lip due to a metal saw accident. He got pissed when they photoshopped it out of his Marine photo.
As you can see, my brothers are all crazy. But to be honest, I couldn’t ask for anything better. They are pretty cool when they aren’t trying to kill you with some explosive, screaming, horse crap bomb. And I honestly am just as crazy when you break this whole thing down.