What is life? What is the meaning of life? Why is life unfair? Why is god putting me into depression what’s going on with me? Why do I cut myself?

There’s so many questions we all have that we need answered but there’s no one that can answer them for us. There only one time every other day where I am happy that’s when I’m with my boyfriend other than that I’m not happy I’ve tried everything to get myself out of depression but nothing is working. My family doesn’t know about how I feel because I don’t know how to tell them. How do I tell them that I cut myself when I can barely evening talk to them anymore I f eel like the world is against me in a way I don’t know how to explain it I  may smile and laugh but that just me putting up act there’s so many people in this world that are going through hard times, family issues and much more stuff, but me I don’t  know how to explain what I am going through all I can hear are voices telling me what to do I want to get help but how do I even try to get help? There’s all these people coming to me for advice but how can I give you advice when I can barely help myself? How do you want me to help you? Tell me how? To me life is a roll-a-costar you should hold on through ever bump that you hit you should act like you’re having fun but, your scared and want to end the ride you have to try your hardest not to let go. To me the meaning of life means nothing to me anymore I use t be able to live my life as fun as I wanted to but honesty I can’t live it the way I want any more I have to be careful of what I say or what I think because if I say something wrong the voices in my head might want to change it around and put it on me the voice might want to punish me the might want to get rid of me but  I can’t let the voices win anymore. I need to be strong for my family and my boyfriend, but how can I when I feel so weak I feel worthless and powerless I’ve honesty tried I don’t want to smile or laugh anymore I don’t want to be happy I can’t sleep anymore, every night I’m on my phone looking at old pictures looking at me smiling and happy but then I hear this voice tell me they would be more happy without you here they don’t care about you, you have problems thinking that they care about you when they don’t they don’t want you here anymore you should just kill yourself already your family hates you they have no love for you anymore they are better off without you here ALL THESES VOICES ARE  TAKING OVER . my mind isn’t the same anymore …. I have so many questions about my life and I don’t know who to ask anymore who do I turn to how do I get help how do I get out of this stage. I asked one of my friends and she told me to listen to music to drown out the voices but do you think that works because it doesn’t nothing help. How do I talk to my parents without getting in trouble? who do I turn to? how do I get help? How? Is there anyone there to help? I need help? I want these voices out my head I want to be my old happy and smiley self. there’s no one that understands me there’s no one there to help with this.