“I wasn’t wanted, and my mother hated me,” is how Danielle Bartlett describes her childhood.  According to Bartlett, her parents were incompatible, and their relationship could be described as, “Morbid, and obliterated by their ignorance.”  Bartlett’s parents apparently felt, “Compelled to destroy each other, yet somehow found the time to make children.”  Unsurprisingly, her parent’s marriage did not work out.
When further elaborating upon the subject of her parent’s marriage, Bartlett stated, “My parent’s couldn’t take advice, and it was ‘my way or the highway’ with both of them.  My mother’s family hated my father, and considered him a brute.  They thought he was useless, and needed a second job, even though he worked 60 hour weeks already.”  Once, during a particularly heated argument, a 3 ½ year old Danielle wandered into the room her parents were brawling in.  “My parents were throwing things and fighting, and I ended up stepping on a piece of broken glass.  As I cried, bleeding, my parents refused to stop fighting, or even acknowledge me.”
After her parent’s divorce, Bartlett had to stay with her mother, and was hardly ever allowed to see her father, who had been arrested for selling and producing methamphetamine.  Living with her mother was hell for Bartlett, “Men were in and out of the house. My mother worked around 2 to 3 jobs at all times, so she was never around for me.  I had to live mostly with my assorted grandparents, which was good, because I could never sleep at home for the screaming.  My mother was always fighting with her boyfriends at night, and she once slapped me for asking for medication that a doctor had prescribed me. My mother pushed me away.  She was controlling, showed no compassion, and didn’t approve of any of my decisions.”
Growing up without a father drove Bartlett into decisions she later regretted making.  “I didn’t have a father figure at all, until I was 13 years old, and my father was released.  I tried to find comfort in the love of others, but failed, and was led into a life of drug abuse and smoking.  I’ve had depression since I was 9 years old, and my struggles with it led to me being put into therapy, and ultimately kicked out of school.  If I had a father, my life probably wouldn’t have been the same.  I might not have left home, feeling unwanted, and hated, or had as many piercings and tattoos.”
When Bartlett’s father was finally able to stay out of prisons and rehabilitation facilities, she resented him.  “Dad always had a new woman, and he never stuck around.  We didn’t get along, because I hated him for leaving me, refusing to call him dad, and even ripping up his cigarettes.”  Eventually, Bartlett and her father reconciled, “Dad and I grew closer after Mom and I fell apart.  Eventually, my father and I formed a bond, and I forgot about my mother.  He still had girls in and out of his life, but not as much, partially due to me chasing them off.  I wanted his attention, and was jealous of the time he spent with them.”
Bartlett was making straight A’s in high school when she dropped out her senior year to get married.  Soon after she quit high school, infuriated by low wages, and finding out she was pregnant, she obtained her GED so that she could better provide for her family.  Bartlett still has problems with her mother, but hopes to fix them, stating, “I am working on a relationship with my mother, but it will be hard.  Nothing she would ever say could take the hurt away.”  Hopefully sometime in the future, perhaps even soon, Bartlett may reconcile with her mother, and finally gain the closure she needs.