This isn’t the typical “band-geek-who-falls-for-football-player-who-is-dating-popular -cheerleader” story. It’s not like all those songs you sing along to on the radio during those cold days in October. It couldn’t possibly be as simple as them, because it’s my life.
It all started sometime last December. Marching Band season had just ended and we were all enjoying our free time. I was dreading the winter, since the winter previous; I had become depressed and ended up cutting myself. It was one night though, where I received a post on my facebook wall, from a boy who was in marching band with me. We never talked, but I had noticed him, and the way he talked to all the girls and joked around with them. He was almost sort of perfect with the way he never said anything wrong, and how people always spoke so highly of him. I was nervous replying to the message. He was a junior, and I was a small, unknown freshmen. What could he want with me? We talked about what we were doing to fill our time after band had ended. The conversation shortly ended and I assumed he was just being courteous since we had never spoken.
It was only until a few days later, while I was ice skating with friends, which I heard from him again.
“I got your number off of facebook. I hope that’s okay.” he texted me.
Of course I was okay with it. I was thrilled. Maybe there is an upper classmen who likes me!
I went around, talking to people in the band, telling them I was talking to him. I’m not sure why, maybe it was because I wanted to show off that there was someone who talked to me, but not to my friends. Perhaps I shouldn’t have though, because the responses I got shocked me.
“Please, please, be careful. Don’t talk to him. He only wants to get in your pants.”
That’s what they all told me. I didn’t listen. If they wanted him all to themselves, they would have to fight for him, is what I thought continuously. He and I talked for months, all the time. We would text until we couldn’t keep our eyes open, then first thing in the morning; we texted through-out school, and as soon as it was over, we texted more. Whenever one of us didn’t reply within minutes, we would text again, asking what happened. He was my best friend. I never even bothered to question why we never talked in person.
We had been talking a long time, it was almost three months since we started talking, and from that day, we were always talking. He knew me better than I even knew myself. I began to wonder when something would escalate from this talking into something more. He asked a friend of mine if I would ever go out with him, but I said that I wasn’t sure. Later on, he began to talk about his girlfriend, who apparently played clarinet, as did I, and who looked quite similar to me. I didn’t care, because I was hoping they would break up.
“I bet you I can clean my room before I fall asleep.” I told him.
“What will we bet then?” he responded.
“Cookies!!” was my answer, because I knew he always made cookies when he was bored.
I won the bet, and he then owed me cookies. That was all on a Saturday night. Sunday night was even more interesting. We talked on AIM during the day, while I was on my iPod touch at my friends’ house. My phone had died and he kept asking me when I was getting home so we could talk more. That was the day he sent me a heart. It was just a simple character, attached to a number, but it meant so much more to me. Later that night, I sat at my computer talking to him.
“Let's see who can stay up later.”
I really didn’t want to, but I agreed. Of course, I fell asleep first. He got to decide what the bet was.
“A hug?”
“I hate hugs,” I responded, because I really do.
“Then how about a kiss?”
My body was numb. I was shaking. I was crying. “He must like me!” I thought. I agreed, but as the night went on, I decided it was a bad idea. The next day was a snow day, so we talked about it for a while. He told me that he would never talk to me again if I didn’t follow through with it. At that moment, I realized I loved him.
All year, we planned times to meet so I could kiss him, but I chickened out each time. Then the bet started to become more involved, each time I didn’t show.
“Now you have to make out with me.” “Now I get to feel you up.” So on, and so forth.
It wasn’t until late June when I actually did the bet. It was in his car, in the front of an elementary school, and it was the most memorable day of my life. I can still remember how everything felt.
I walked home on that day, laughing and smiling, like I had just won a prize.
He texted me.
“Please don’t tell your friends about this.”
Something like this though, I couldn’t keep from my best friend.
Over the summer, we stopped talking. I cried every night over this stupid band drama. I would text him and never get a reply. Finally, after band camp that summer, in late august, I decided I had to ask why he hated me.
“You never did what you said you would”
I swore I did everything I promised, I did that silly little bet.Huh? I had forgotten that until now. During that day, I had never been more upset. I yelled about all the lies he was telling me, but in the end, he won. I agreed to give him what he wanted.
Two times we had planned to do it, in a bathroom behind the stage in the school, before marching band practice. Two times we didn’t do it. The first time, we both had practice for our instruments. The second time, I left school sick, but felt better in time for practice.
Now we aren’t talking, and I see him talking to all the other girls and he jokes around with them. He is almost sort of perfect with the way he never says anything wrong, and how people always speak so highly of him. I still laugh when he laughs, I still smile when he smiles, but now when he looks at me, I don’t look away. I stare right into his eyes with a look of disgust, until he looks away. We still have countless days until he leaves for college, and maybe, we’ll figure this out.