I sat on the floor, holding my head. My hands were flooding with tears. I wasn’t even coherent, I was so shocked.

How could this have happened? He was only 52 years old. How was I going to get there, how was I going to make sure it was true? How was I going to heal after this tragic event? My mother came to pick me up, I was supposed to be cheering in half an hour. I slowly locked the door and walked down the steps, numb as can be. I reached for the door handle and looked up to her face, she had never let anyone see her cry. I knew it was true when I saw the tears streaming down her face. The ride seemed to take forever, but then again in any situation when there is a death, a second seems like hours. One stop sign went, another one came, then went. Laws being broken, because they weren’t being stopped at. I didn’t care. All I could think about was the fact that my father was gone.

I can’t begin to explain the hurt that will come over when you when you find out a parent has passed away. But, I can tell you what you can do to pick up the pieces. First, just cry. Cry and let all of your emotions out, even if it means you cry for a week straight. Then just continue on, and keep busy.

My father passed away on Saturday, February 13th, 2010. I was at school on Monday, February 15th, 2010. Two days after his death, because I knew that if I didn’t go to school I would just sit at home a cry. That’s what it would be like for you, if you lost a mother or father. Sitting in class with a glum look, staring blankly into space, thinking. Thinking about what I’m going to do, how can I heal from this? You can only heal by staying busy and letting your emotions out. My father wouldn’t have wanted any of his children to sit home and dwell on his life. He would have wanted us to celebrate life. This isn’t something that I can explain how to do. I only say this because everyone heals differently. Just know, you have to pick up the pieces of your shattered heart and start to put them back together.

All of your emotions are going to build up and cause you stress. It may not seem like it, however it’s there. You will get stress headaches, so bad you can’t move your neck and your head hurts to the point your whole body aches. Every little thing that this person enjoyed or did will always run through your mind. There will always be a way to relate every little thing that happens to you, to something that you did with this loved one. Anytime I see the snow outside or think of the winter, I’ll think of my father. They small white cotton like fluff falling from the sky and piling up as tall as can be was his favorite thing. Anytime I decide to ice skate or watch a hockey game, I’ll be reminded of all the times that he took my brothers and I skating or took us to lessons.

My father passed away on Saturday, February 13th, 2010. I was at school on Monday, February 15th, 2010. Two days after his death, because I knew that if I didn’t go to school I would just sit at home a cry. That’s what it would be like for you, if you lost a mother or father. Sitting in class with a glum look, staring blankly into space, thinking. Thinking about what I’m going to do, how can I heal from this? You can only heal by staying busy and letting your emotions out. My father wouldn’t have wanted any of his children to sit home and dwell on his life. He would have wanted us to celebrate life. This isn’t something that I can explain how to do. I only say this because everyone heals differently. Just know, you have to pick up the pieces of your shattered heart and start to put them back together.

What I’m trying to tell you is very simple: losing a parent cannot be described, nobody can relate it to losing a family member. It’s completely different than losing an aunt, or an uncle, those who have lost a parental unit are the only ones that can relate. Don’t go and try to think of what this feels like, trust me: it’s a pain you never want to have to feel.