“No, the other shop only sells this for half of what you have here,” I tense up and glance around quickly. My father steadily raises his voice as his impatience accumulates and finally bursts, “Maybe I don’t feel like doing business with you today.” He drags me by the hand out of the store in a hurry. I struggle to keep up with his wide strides and trip several times. My father notices none of this; he never turns back around to anything. I am exactly the other sort; I turn around and look back at the small electronics store. My father had lied in front of my face without a hint of shame. I actually felt ashamed of thinking he would feel such a thing. Rational thinking told me he had made the best choice possible, but my heart felt confused. My father had the courage to give up senseless rules for the survival of his family but I am not sure I can for my own benefit.

I still remember that moment of confusion when my father walked away. He did not offer the explanation I anticipated and after a while I realized there was none and he needed none. My father’s antics saved us half the price of the CDs in the end. That was enough. As long as lying could save him some money it was alright with my father. After almost half a lifetime he knows what is really important to him, survival, and how senseless codes of ethics were in the face of life and death, having something or nothing. His childhood experiences taught him that, but mine did not. My parents, teachers, and all the adults around me taught the children to never lie for it was shameful and vile. Perhaps the only difference between my father and I was that I never came close enough to poverty or starvation. I understand completely why my father chose to lie. I accept and respect his actions, but I cannot replicate them. My practical thinking told me his belief made perfect sense and that my father knew much more about life than I can ever know, but thinking could not keep me from feeling uneasy and uncomfortable even my father gave only slightly misleading information. Even at times when I knew lying was the best option with no consequences to anyone I did not do it. I do not know why I did not. I knew lying was the right and sensible thing to do for the situation but I could not do it.

Even in my short lifetime I have often chosen between the sensible and my instincts. I always follow my instincts. I do not understand how the human mind works in completely believing in one thing and doing another, but I know my mind behaves exactly like the rest of mankind. When I arrived at school late one day the option of lying was exceptionally clear in my mind. I do not understand why it was that day because I had often felt lazy before to explain myself when I could have, but I often feel bewildered at my own actions. I even conjured up a rough sketch of my fictitious story relating to how the car would not start and it actually did not, on the first time. I felt I must have been good at lying. I could not remember a time I lied (though I must have before), but I certainly have witnessed the performances of others many times. I walked up to the lady behind the office desk confident that my story was absolutely believable. Then I said, “I need a late pass,” and nothing else until I walked out of the small office. I do not understand what had happened. Somehow I did the opposite of what I thought I was going to do. Do not think highly of me and falsely deduce I chose not to lie because I did not. I did not lie because I could not. When I walked to the lady in blue I simply forgot to lie or something besides my intellectual mind stopped me. I knew lying could get me out of trouble and harm no one, but for some reason it did not happen. I do not understand the how’s and why’s but I learned that a person (or only me) can legitimately believe in opposite ideas.

I believe that lying is necessary but at the same time I seem to believe firmly that lying is wrong. Maybe I lack the life experience to make a decision and will falter to one side in the end, but at the time being I know I am a hypocrite. I believe everyone is one: no matter how much faith someone has in one belief he or she still cannot help but put a slice of faith into the opposite belief. Lying is only one example of the intense conflicting beliefs of people. Many believe that lying is wrong and should be never done but they lie too although they continue to believe this. I feel to live this way is fine (although I live in an opposite way). If a person can separate his actions from his beliefs and feel comfortable to do so then what right does anyone one have to judge?