Dark. Lonesome. Out of place. These are the feelings you feel when you lose an important and close person to you. Especially if that person is the light to your black darkened heart. I promised myself that I would try everything I could not to cry when she left, but the tears poured like April Showers. All of this happened today.

Bam. What was that? I thought as i got out of bed. It figures my mom is up early on this dark deadly Friday. Getting up I put up the rest of the laundry from the day before. I slowly started to get ready, I didn’t want to go, but I did anyway. What this fateful day had in for me was something I haven’t been looking for all week. Today’s the big day my best friend, Sierra, was going back to foster care.

It started in the morning we were having fun and games. Then in the beginning of second period my friend, Lindsey, came to get me and Danylle, and had tears in her eyes. I had no clue what was going on until I heard her say that Sierra was leaving now. I hesitantly got up from my desk and slowly walked to the door. Only a second after I left the classroom tears were slowly dripping from my face as if stuck in time. Each step down the hallway time began to start again. Droplets began to fall more freely from dark brown eyes.

Going down the hallway many things went racing through my head. No one deserves to be in foster care. Whatever reason the family sh had for getting rid of her must have been stupid. She was like a sister to me, my one-chan. Sierra was someone who understood how I felt and we shared similar hobbies. All revolving around drawing, reading, writing, dancing, and of course anime. Why does this have to happen? What if I never see her again? Who will take care of her? Are the people around her nice or mean? Will she still remember me after a long period of time? The day wasn’t even halfway finished and she’s leaving. Not just me she’s leaving behind. Left behind were two other great friends and a caring boyfriend.

On our way Lindsey asked if we had anything of Sierra’s in our locker, Danylle did. I never got a chance to share lockers with her. She would encourage me to go for something I want. Say things like R’Shea you’re a beautiful and intelligent person. A few days before she left she gave me a letter it said:
R’Shea,

You are the coolest girl I’ve ever met. You have your own style and personality that makes you standout very well. Your so adorable and I hope your self esteem comes up because I think your beautiful and so do a lot of other people. You don’t need a guy to tell you that, but I do hope you find somebody. Me and you are more alike then you may think. I’m glad we became friends. I wish I could have known you better. Your so fun to talk to and intelligent. Theres so much I wish I could tell you but it wouldn’t fit on this page. I hope you don’t forget me. Please don’t. I love you like a sister.
Your best friend,
Sierra A.

When Danylle closed her locker we headed down the never ending hallway to Sierra. We passed a group of boys on our way and they were laughing at us. It didn’t bother me that they were making fun of three crying girls. They can wallow in their own self pity. My tears were proof of how much she meant to me. If I was to have anything in the world it would be for Sierra to stay with me forever. Not all dreams come true though even if you try your best to make them happen. All that’s there is dreams shattered by those with impure thoughts and heart. Most of all broken promises that were supposed to be kept. I believe that it’s ironic that everything is happening on this day.

We turned the corner of the hallway that Sierra and her boyfriend, Aaron, were in. Danylle and Lindsey ran and gave her a hug and cried. I stood there and started sobbing uncontrollably. I couldn’t accept the fact that she was leaving. The light to my darkness was slowly flickering out as I refused to believe it. This was a moment were I felt like she was going to come right back, but I knew better.

Sierra saw me crying and I felt like I was one years old again as she embraced me with a warmth only she could bring. I cried even harder when the warmth left me I knew that she was getting her things ready. I grabbed her binders and walked up to the office to where Sister Pam, the foster care head case worker, was. Short and stubby looking she gathered up Sierra’s stuff in no time.

Sierra gave us one last hug before departing. I couldn’t understand why she tried her best to smile. Possibly trying to cheer us up. We all wanted to walk out to the car with her but we weren’t allowed. In the state of mind I was in I stood there waiting for her to come back. When she didn’t Lindsey took and hugged me tight. We walked down the hallway that way. Aaron started crying once he got back to class.

I cried through second period and when it was over I thought I saw Sierra walk in like all the other times. It was only an illusion of my imagination. People tried to cheer up Lindsey and Danylle, but not me. Sierra was the only one to comfort me besides the other two. Maybe they were my only true friends. Many times I knew but just didn’t accept it. Without her I felt lost in a never ending labyrinth, this only with no exit. Figures what emotional moments does to your brain, but that’s the whole point of life you lose some to gain some. In losing Sierra I lost everything.

I only knew her for about two years, not much time in my opinion. There were many good and bad days between us four. In my perspective Sierra was a huge burst of light ready to shine. She was really outgoing and filled with a lot of spirit. High School, no better yet, life will be a pool of darkness without her.

My mom was trying to call her social worker to see if we can adopt her. The fates obviously weren’t on our side. When I say this I’m questioning all of life. Are we as human being not able to hold on to our most precious or valuable things and if no why? Is it just me who doesn’t feel like I fit in? I may be an African American but sometimes I don’t feel free like we should. With all the whites in my school I stand out very much. My shyness and the way I act even more.

I want Sierra back. I feel like I’m in a dark abyss holding me, controlling me, and suffocating me until there’s no life. I’m emotionless body acting on its own. A puppet with strings attached. I decided that since she’s gone that I’m going to get better grades then I have right now. Possibly clean up my act and be myself for awhile or at least try. I’m turning a new leaf and I’m going to take off this mask and show my inner beauty for what Sierra tried to do for me. From this day on I’m no longer a caterpillar, but a beautiful butterfly ready to fly for the first time in years all thanks to Sierra, my onee-chan.