The rain pounded and with every thud of the water sent down from heaven I felt gratitude. It is like he was watching over me and gave me a gift, a gift that no one could ever understand. He knows that in the midst of everyday scuffle, the only thing that has the power to stop me In my tracks and brighten my whole soul is the quiet dribble of rain that washes over me and renews life. He knew that today I needed a miracle, it’s not the miracle I had been praying for, but life’s about finding a miracle that can seem as trivial as water falling from the sky.

Mom says that I’m coming to a peak, that it may seem really hard right now but its only because I have to reach the top; the hardest part of this to start easing downhill where things will get better. I want to believe her and do my best to will it to be that way. But deep down in my mind I know the truth; I have a heart condition that doesn’t have a cure. Doctors say “ we don’t know what causes this syndrome” some nights I hear this reverberating throughout my mind; looping in a continuous cycle. But some nights my heart beat drowns out these words, which is better im not sure.

I remember back when I was a little girl, a time I cherish more than most children do. I remember running and playing with the little neighbor boys that were my closest allies. Never once did I tire before the others did. i remember splashing through the rain in bear feet and shorts ,chasing Aaron which knew he was fighting a losing battle because I was bound to catch him. I remember lying out in the sun gazing at the clouds trying to find objects only my eyes could see, never once did I shy away from the heat. I remember sitting out on chad’s father’s truck watching fireworks explode overhead; talking about what we wanted to be when we were older. Ideas of doctors and astronauts danced through our heads, not once did I wish for good health. How was I to know?

Running is out of the question for me nowadays. The sun is now a source of pain, it no longer gives me relief like it used to, like after you as a child ran through the sprinkler and were shivering cold when you laid out on the side walk in the sun. my autonomic system doesn’t regulate my body temperature the way it should. I can’t stand much because my heart isn’t strong enough to bring the blood back up to my brain. My heart pounds way faster then it should, while my blood pressure drops too low. Simple things like sleeping are challenging. And leaving the house seems almost impossible most days.

But with all of these challenges, I am who I was meant to be. My life has taken turns that no one including myself could have foreseen, but I know that I wouldn’t be me without these things. I cherish what others don’t take a second glance at. I accept the things I cannot change and thank god for blessing me in ways that some envy. I know that my miracle will come, but until then I’m gonna bask in the miracles I have in my life now, like the drizzle of rain water outside my window pains.