As I was scrolling through my Tumblr timeline, I saw a quote saying “Autumn shows us how beautiful it is to let things go.” and as I read the quote, I thought to myself “What are the things I’ve let go?” It’s not like I saw this in midday but it was 3 in the morning when I read the quote and I pretty much had the time to think about my question and my answer. Then I started to think about the seasons, how they relate to a person’s life; fall is for letting go, winter is for the coldness a person feels inside after letting things go, spring is for blooming and recovering, and summer is for happiness and being carefree. I think I’ve been through a lot that I actually feel the seasons in me. I had an hour to talk to myself, “Well I think it’s true that not all good bye’s are good and not all good bye’s mean it’s the end.”

I had to let go of things like family, friends, time, and memories. Last year I migrated from the Philippines and it wasn’t easy. I have to let go my family and friends and accept the fact that they’ll be far away from me, 8,602 miles to be exact. I didn't want to leave them behind but I had no choice. People always want to go to place where no one knows them, where they can start something new; I did want that but it's hard. I had to adjust, knowing that I'm gonna be away from the people I knew for a while. I wrote emails to my friends and kept them updated on how I am dealing with the change, with what's the difference between the 'American Life' and the 'Filipino Life'. They don't usually respond to them but it's okay. Those are the times I've gone cold and dealing with the fact that we are not like we used to be, we are not close friends anymore since the distance kept us from hanging out with each other. But as I dealt with the cold, I told them "It's been a year, how I wish I could turn back time when I was with you, laughing, sharing stories, walking around, chilling. Maybe we can't relive the past but we can always make new memories together. We may not be the same like before but the only thing that is constant is change. We both know that we can't grow as a person without changing. Crazy how we're starting to grow apart, not in the same classroom, not in the same school, not in the same city, nor country. It's also crazy that we're getting closer to being old and dying. Tell me, are your strings still attached, or are they breaking one-by-one? Because my strings are still attached, maybe some broke when I left but I'm still okay, I'm still fine." I still care about them but we have our own lives to worry about now. I'm starting to regain the confidence I lost while adjusting from one place to another.

In the process of regaining myself, I had let go of people in my life. In that year after I flew from the other side of the world, I found out who to keep and who to be with. I managed to keep a girl for 9 months. We broke up and I cried about it. I don't hate her or love her, she's just another acquaintance to me. I had to let go of her and she had to let go of me because it's not a good relationship if there's only one person that is actually trying to fix things between them. After a month of not being together, I've been through the seasons. It's not like what we had was not real, we're just not meant to be for each other, we weren't made for each other.

I am happy and carefree after the break up but it built feelings for another person. She was also the reason why my ex broke up with me. My sister and mom said "Girls feel if their boyfriend is attracted to another girl." So I guess they were right, I am attracted to this girl but it wasn't the same way I was attracted to my ex, it was different. I had to let go of her as a friend because I know that it will not work out since she's with another guy and I know for sure that my ex will start more drama. And now I'm still in fall, trying to let go slowly as I also fall for her. I am trying to understand life a little bit more through my own journey.

Another thing I have to let go of is myself. I need to change my ways so I can grow, like a tree. I am a tree of life, I go through the seasons which makes me stronger as a person. I may be years old but that doesn't mean I know everything and that doesn't mean I am a big tree compared to other people who have been through a lot, others worse than me. And sometimes it just depends on how people handle life, if you live it like a tree lives in the summer, yes you're happy but you're not going to survive if you have to let go or people let go of you, you won't survive the cold and you won't really grow.