I feel like I could throw up right now. Our cheer team is backstage at the national competition held at the ESPN Center in Disney, Orlando Florida.

I feel like I could pass out right now. You could clearly hear the team in front of us finishing their routine.
I feel as though someone just hit me in the stomach right now. The crow is applauding. The team before us has finished their routine and clearly has done well.

A drip of sweat trickles down the side of my face. The captains are doing our team chant. We chant this every time before a competition the second before we take the mat. But this time, it felt different. This specific chant made us all very emotional. This is the last time I will be saying this chant with these girls.

“Alright ladies, last time competing as a team together. We are finally here, at the National competition in Florida. Lets kill it! This is what we have been working for together for seven months. All the blood, sweat and tears. All the injuries and recoveries and tough times trying to click as one. It all leads up to this very exact moment. This is our time to show everyone what cheer is. Teamwork and dedication, this is not an individual sport. We are a team. We are one. We must come together and push through the next two minutes and thirty seconds. We must hit this routine perfectly. We must get zero deductions. ” Alyssa, one our “senior leaders” screamed out to us. The noise level was insane in this arena. We could barely hear each other.

My heart is beating insanely. Why do I feel this way?  I have gone through this process of competing before. I guess it could just be my Freshman self overworking my thoughts since this is my first time at a Nationals with a High School Team.

I begin to panic a bit. My breathing gets heavier. My chest feels tighter.

“Ladies and Gentlemen, up next we have a team all the way from New Jersey competing for first place in the Small Varsity Advanced Division.” The announcer boomed with his commercial-like voice over the loud speaker.
I peek out through the curtain and stare into the crowd. With the bright lights I couldn’t see anything beyond the judges booth.

I look over to my right and my cheer best friend since the fifth grade, Sara, has her head down. I think she is praying. This means so much to our whole team and us. Sara and I have been cheering and competition together since the fifth grade. Every single competition we have competed in has been together. We share our middle school and high school cheer experiences together.

I look over to my left, Sam, a senior, is tearing up. It is her last time competing ever since she is not continuing in college. Cheer means so much to her and so does competition with her team and everyone she loves.

Tori, another “senior leader”, pulled out what we called the team’s lucky penny. This penny we found on the floor of our first competition at Hackensack High School right before we went out to compete. This penny was so important to my team and I since we performed perfectly that very day. We considered this to be our good luck penny. Each performance every weekend a different senior would keep it in their left shoe while we competed. It was our little tradition. Tori placed the penny into her left sock and placed her shoe back on.

“You may take the mat!” the announcer belts.

I can feel my heartbeat in my ears and chest like crazy.

We run onto the mat screaming and chanting “GO PO” while waving our hands up and down in the air. You can feel the springs of the bright blue cheer mat bounce up and shock through our ankles and shins. I look out into the crowd and pinpoint what seems to be the brightest light hitting the stage. I look down at my shoelaces and try to breathe, although it is very hard being in front of at least five thousand people. 

One last time.

One last time competing with these girls, my teammates, my family.

Inhale. Exhale. This is it.