“There is a ghost here. A lonely, heartbroken spirit. The ghost of everything that could’ve been and never was.”

I like to think that everyone has one, a woebegone phantom. Part of me likes to believe that not everyone has one, that they have a unbelievable amount of luck. What I can tell you is that they never truly go away, in the depths of your soul they will rest for all eternity. They may seem as if they are completely gone but they are just waiting to be revived. If you are lucky they will disappear and never return. Hopefully, one day my ghost and I will grow up and depart from one another. Whenever she leaves me I always wish her the best because I always hope that she never returns. She haunts me, but even she desires to leave me. She wants the best for me as I want the best for her, but right now just is not the right time for us to say goodbye. I do not know when or if she will ever bid farewell, but maybe, just maybe one day she will go away.

As of right now she lurks in my shadow; impassively. As much as she wants to leave me so I can move forward in my life she understands that I am not ready just yet, so she waits calmly and supports my decision to have her stay. Letting her go makes me feel as if I am losing a close friend; lugubrious. She is always their for me whenever I need her. I know that it may seem kind of delirious of me to speak of my ghost in this way, but in a weird way she keeps me from losing my sanity. I understand that her presence reminds me of everything that could have been and never was, however her presence also reminds me that it is okay to feel hurt or afraid because everyone feels this way. She reminds me that I am not the only one who feels this way. I always have to fight the feeling of loneliness but whenever she is present I never have to worry about it, I am never lonely, afraid, or anxious; just tranquil. It saddens me that she only lingers here because I am unwilling to let go and move forward, but I hope she understands that I am trying. I hope that when she leaves me she will move on to following her heart and doing what she desires. I hope she understands that she has a lot of potential and she never lets it go to waste. I always wondered why she never just left, but then I began to realize it was because as much as I needed her, she needed me. Together we were one. Together we are a lost soul trying to escape one another, however we cannot escape what was destined to be.