The Perfection You See | Teen Ink

The Perfection You See

August 27, 2018
By Anonymous

Perfection. “Perfection” is an idea that we have created in our minds from the expectations of society. Every day we look in the mirror we see imperfections of which aren't really there. I believe that “perfection” is a diseased society has created to hold teenagers to a standard of what it takes to be perfect.

The society has portrayed an image of “perfection” by how we should look. Society has created various generations believing that without looks, it won't matter the level of your intelligence. This brainwashes the way children think at an early age and why bullying is still a thing. When I was in elementary school I was always bullied. Chubby kid, Crayola outfits, bowl haircut, and beaver teeth are what I looked like when I was younger. A kid who went to about six elementary schools trying to escape the demons that haunted him. But it seemed as if wherever I went they were always there waiting for me with new words that tortured.  To the teachers, they saw it as a playful joke that boys just play with each other. The phrase “boys are will be boys” will forever seem as an insult to me. I don’t blame the bullies, but I do blame the way society has created an unrealistic image of how the perfect human should look like. This created an idea in my head that I will never be “perfect” or enough for anyone in life. I became the perfect bomb, ready to explode at any moment with the feelings I held in.

   

Arms crossed, hunched forward, and big hoodies are things I did to make myself look smaller. It was during my middle school years to my Sophomore year where I found myself doing this a lot. Every time I saw a guy pass by I caught myself wishing I was them, having a skinny- somewhat muscled body to be able to show off. But all I had was a spherical body that limited the things I could do and my idea of my self-worth. I thought skinny was magic and that's all I needed to be the real me. One thing that I found myself changing first was my teeth. I lasted 2 years with monthly appointments that made me cry because of how much work my teeth needed. That was the first step into how I was to become “perfect.” It was more like I was giving into society's’ expectations. I didn’t realize how unhappy I was until high school came along. I noticed that I always wanted to look like the other guys, “hot” jocks, or even just the guy in my English class. Basically being someone other than me was better than being me. Sophomore year is where I was hit the most. In history, we had a project where we were told to interview someone and I was interviewed by one of my closest friends. It didn’t go as planned because his topic was bullying, and that brought a wave of memories that I had pushed back in the back of my mind. This is where society’s idea of perfection had bitten me with the most dangerous poison of all. I became depressed over who I was and hated myself for it. I stopped eating. I laid in bed and cried while listening to music. In the past I have been known for not being able to handle stress, it was a hard thing for me to keep in and control. As a result of not eating and forcing myself to change, I became what some people may call skinny. I went from being 225 pounds to 170 in just less than a year, a painful year, an unhealthy year. Many would celebrate this goal that I had achieved, but I didn’t. I was ashamed of giving into society’s lies. The lies that I was not good enough or ever will be. Because of all of the phycological damage I had taken, I was tricked. I became “perfect”...


The author's comments:

This is about a time where all felt lost in my world.


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