“Hi! I’m Eric!” that was the first day of high school, and the first day of my new life. He had deep dark brown eyes that pierced into me. His wide, bright smile could get me to do anything for him.

I met Eric on the first day of my freshman year of high school. He was a friend of a friend but we bonded instantly. We became best friends in a matter of days.

Then as we got closer and closer all my other friends started to get farther and farther. My world began to get smaller, till all it was, was Eric. Anything he didn’t approve of was gone, swearing, shorts, junk food, me. He had a hold on me that I still can’t understand. It was like he hypnotized me into doing whatever he wanted.

It all started with a plethora of compliments, boosting my self esteem making me feel like I was something special to him. Then gradually the compliments morphed into criticisms. It would go from “You are the most beautiful girl in the world!” to “You are disgusting and worthless, you ruin everyone’s lives you touch,” within just one hour.

Eric emotionally and mentally abused me for two years. He isolated me from all my other friends, my family. I felt as if he was all I had, and without him I would be nothing. My quirky little ideocyresises, my hobbies, what made me, me, all disappeared. I wasn't a person anymore. I wasn't an individual. I was merely an extension of Eric.

What I wore, what I ate, who I talked too, what classes I took, what I said, what exercise I did, It was all Eric.

Why would I stay in a relationship like that? Why wouldn’t I just leave? The answer to that is the same answer of why a wife would stay with her abusive husband: I felt like I deserved it. I deserved being publicly humiliated by him, manipulated, controlled. I deserved to have drinks and food dumped on me. I was worthless and should be thankful I even had him at all. At least that's what he lead me to believe.

I was a freshman I already didn't have much self esteem. I was looking for someone who would see me and make me special. Then comes in Eric on the very first day. The first thing he said to me was “Hi! I’m Eric. You, my dear, are extraordinarily beautiful.” He was handsome, his class ranked was #5, he was on the soccer and volleyball ball team, he didn't swear, he went to church twice a week, he was perfect and he wanted me.

To be clear we never actually dated, he wouldn't even hug me. He knew I liked him and he would say he liked me too but if only I didn’t swear. Okay. I mean that's a good thing right? He was trying to just make me a better person. Then he would say he was going to hug me today but I was wearing shorts and that only w****s would show off that much skin. I would tell myself that he only just wants to make me better, it never occurred to me that he was trying to control me.

Down the rabbit hole I went. I would give him excuses and eventually I just started to believe him. I am selfish, I am a dirty s***.

I still hear his voice in my head, regardless that I am two states away from him. He is still affecting me. Everyday I hear him telling me I will never be good enough. No one will ever love me like he did. I have to fight my own thoughts and struggle everyday just to be me. To just look at myself in the mirror without seeing my “flabby arms”, my “whorish chest”, my “horrifying face”.

Eric took something away from me.I will never be the same. I will never ever truly be the care free, fun loving person I was before him. With every insult, every lie, with every degrading action, he broke a little piece off of me. Now all I am is a bunch of glass shards. I don’t know if there will ever be enough glue to make me whole again.

The worst part of it all is that I still talk to him. Every once in a while I will tell him how I am doing, my grades, if I made a new friend. I still seek his approval, I still am drawn to him, knowing what he did to me. There might be a part of me that will always seek him out, and that just makes me despise myself more.

I never realized this was unhealthy till my parents read our texts and called the school. They called Eric as well and told him to stay away from me. The school did nothing and after a week we were in contact again. I knew it was bad for me yet I went back to him.

My parents sent me to therapy for awhile but it didn't really help. I felt like the therapist didn't really understand me or the situation. The only thing I got out of it was, people who haven't gone through it themselves will never fully understand.

Eventually I started to distance myself from him, but it was still a long and slow process. By the end of sophomore year he was still a big part of my life but I had other parts, including a boyfriend who actually loved and cared about me.

Honestly I think Eric would still have a big influence in my life if I didn't move two states away. I don't think I was brave or strong I just think I got lucky with circumstances. I don't know what I would be doing now if I didn't move. I wouldn’t be writing this for sure.

Letting someone in is a lot easier than removing someone, so don’t let someone in just because they make you feel special. Don’t rely on someone else to make you feel good about yourself, only you can do that.

*this is not the real name of the guy*