The most important day I remember in all my life is the last day I saw my Dad.

Looking back on that day, I didn’t realize how much my life would change from that point
forward. The difference in my life since then is incomprehensible, for my life would never be the
same again. It was February 23rd, 2010, I was 5 years old.
 
 On the afternoon of that day, I was in my Dad’s hospital room. I did not know that he was
dying, but I knew he was sick. However, I always thought he would get better, so seeing him on
that hospital bed did not phase me in the least. I ran up to his bed and jumped on top of him. I
just kept on bouncing on top of him not knowing how much pain he was really in. He hid the
pain so well with his warm smile, it was as if the pain never even existed. He just seemed so
happy, so I couldn’t help but feel the same.
 
Have you ever watched a horror movie and there was that one character that could tell
something was going to happen, but they didn’t know what? I was like that character when we
were about to leave that hospital. I saw my Mom and Step Dad’s faces, they looked so sad, and I
could tell something was wrong. I was naïve, so I did not expect what awaited my future.
 
Just before we left the hospital my dad softly pinched my nose twice and said honk, honk as he
always did. I did the same to him and gave him a big smile. After that we left the hospital, we
went to the airport, and we flew home. Little did I know that my life would forever change that
day, and things would never be the same again.
 
   A couple days later my Mother told me my Dad had died. I did not know what that meant, so I
asked when I would be able to see him again. That’s when my Mother told me I would never get
to see him again. That he was now an Angel with God, who would now watch over me for the
rest of my life. She tried her best to comfort me and my step dad did everything in his power to
keep me as happy as possible. I felt so broken inside, even though I did not truly know what
death was. I just knew it was preventing me from ever seeing my dad ever again, and that made
me sad. It was a long time until I found a way to cope with these emotions, but they say time
heals all wounds.  
 
   About 3 years later I lost my Step Dad to death. I didn’t understand why every Dad I had, had  to die. At this point, I was depressed. I felt as if the world was punishing me for something I did. I started to feel that living was a punishment and there was nothing I could do about it. I wore this mask that showed this happy girl with no problems at all on the outside, when I felt like I was slowly dying on the inside. No one, not even my mom knew the depth of my despair. That’s when my school got a new guidance counselor and I decided to visit her during lunch one day. I ended up telling her about my life story and little did I know, it ended up being one of the greatest things that happened to me in all those years of depression. I started to eat lunch in her room every day and I told her everything that I was feeling. One day, she told me about a bereavement camp named, Camp Erin. I ended up agreeing to go and she told my mom about it.
 
   I packed my bag and was on my way to the camp. To say I was nervous was an
understatement. I had never in my life met another kid who had lost 2 or even 1 parent. When I arrived, I found my age group and my cabin. Once everyone arrived we all met in the main building and shared with our group who we lost. The whole weekend was filled with activities
that showed me its ok to be sad, but we don’t have to do it alone. I met people who lost someone they loved too. We sang songs that made me feel hope again. I told people about my Dad’s without feeling sorrow for the first time. I finally realized that what happened to them wasn’t my fault, and I cried the most I ever have that day. I also learned that I was not alone, that
there were kids just like me.  Once the weekend was over I felt happiness seeing my mom there
to pick me up. I felt grateful that she was still there for me. For the first time in over 3 years I
opened to my Mom about my feelings, and I even asked her questions about my Dad’s.   
 
Ever since that day at Camp Erin, I realized that if the world were a perfect place and my Dad
hadn’t died of brain cancer, I wouldn’t have the amazing life I have today (I wouldn’t have my
Sister, my Brother, Peter). I now know that things happen for a reason and instead of being sad
that it’s over, I should be happy that it happened at all. Living is the greatest gift in the world that
we are given, and we should try to maximize our moments.  Just because death is inevitable, that
doesn’t mean we shouldn’t enjoy life with the time we have.