I

position my phone in front of my face, blinking at the blinding light, rushing to decrease the brightness. I pull my blankets cozy and close and smile at my virtual conversation. I fiddle with the loose ring on my middle finger. It holds two glimmering emerald stones; the stones are bonded and beautiful side by side. Simple and gorgeous engravings are set deep in the silver band: bold, strong, and secure.

My mind floats back to how I felt before I had anyone to text at night. The time before I had this ring. Things were lonely. It was me alone with my thoughts, not knowing what to do with them. Nightly, I would feel this pit at the bottom of my stomach. It made me feel like nothing was worth it. Every day this would stay on my mind. There was always some version of this message following me like a ghost, popping in and out of my brain throughout each day. One day I would want to give up on everything and never move a muscle; then the next, my body would fill with anxious energy pelting my brain, making me want to jump out of my skin. Despite these constantly alternating emotions, I continued to look and act like I was “okay.” I strained toward normalcy and the appearance of happiness, even though I felt as though I would shatter and fall apart. That was then.

My phone buzzes with a new alert. It tickles my hand, and I am coaxed out of my thoughts. The corners of my mouth pull upward while I exhale a silent laugh. He makes those feelings fade. I am not perfect now. My moods still change as often as the weather, but he makes it better.

His name is Morgan. Since he became a part of my life, he has given me the items I hold closest to my heart. He has given me a new type of love that I didn’t know before. I carry hope for the future and peace in who I am. He gives me the support and reassurance I’ve always needed. I carry these with me every day; I never want to let them go. I also hold on to the class ring he lets me wear, and a necklace he gave me as a gift. The necklace is a delicate silver chain changing into a bronze color around the edges from constant wear. It holds three beautiful, shimmering charms that all represent my favorite movie. The first is a silver-stemmed rose topped with a golden bloom. In the center lies a pale lavender rectangular jewel. To the right is a small silver charm in the form of a mirror. Rather than seeing a reflection in the center, you see small and magical sparkles. I wear this necklace every day, another reminder of him. Lastly, I wear a bracelet identical to the one my boyfriend wears daily. Each “Bond Touch” bracelet vibrates whenever the other person touches their own. I may not be able to talk to him like I wish I could, but I always let him know when I think about him. The small buzzes tickle my wrist and make my heart flutter. I carry it with love and pride. These things were all given to me by the boy I love; they lift me up rather than weigh me down. He is so incredibly important to me and because of this amazing person, I am filled with so much happiness.

His eyes tell the whole story. You could glance at him and you would see a stoic face, a sharp face looking steadfast and unfeeling. Rarely does someone take the extra time to pay closer attention. How often do you take the time to notice someone’s eyes? I have paid attention and have found “the something more” that lies beneath. Those who pay attention are the luckiest on earth. Every emotion he feels hides in his ever-changing eyes. They have a gorgeous array of hues that arrange themselves in new patterns each day. Have you ever seen the clouds above the sea begin to rain down upon the waves, the ocean swirling in glorious tones? You can find that moment in his eyes. A vision of the gray bristles of a dandelion seed floating on top of the wind. A walk through the forest where the deep green leaves begin to tint with rusty hues at the edges. The more you look, the more you discover. I look and see love. Sometimes it seems as though he studies me and my eyes as much as I do him. There is no doubt about his love when I see the way he looks at me.

I carry the best things in my life because of Morgan. When I am with him, I feel a brightness, a glow. Everything slows and the rest of the world fades. I used to spend consecutive nights feeling sad and alone. I know the world is not going to end. I know that my life is not over, but don’t you ever just get that feeling in the pit of your stomach? Like lifting a finger is barely even worth it? Things are different with Morgan.

It is pitch black. I repeatedly blink in an attempt to adjust to the unlit room. Sounds are muted to their lowest volume, cars running past whisper away faintly. Every so often, the desolate home creaks – a readjustment to where it lies. A glowing emerald light shines from my wrist, and I feel a random pattern of buzzing. It is bright and luminescent in the dark of the room. I watch the shimmering light blink in unison with its vibrations. I smile at the goodnight message I’ve received and drift to sleep.