Burping. Best described as air vomit. Something that comes with a deep growling sound. A sound that makes my stomach want to sick into my intestines and escape my body. A sound that makes me want to flee the room where it was released. A sound that I can regard as worse than the painful discomfort from the scratch of nails on a chalkboard. A sound worse still than the high pitched screech of a metal fork running down a glass plate. A sound that is paining me to even think about as I write this entry.

Burping is close to the grossest thing humans are capable of. It lives in a realm just behind expelling food from the mouth or opposite end of our anatomy. When we burp we are forcing air out of us that has been trapped for who knows how long. Air that is in contact with OUR INSIDES. And sure, most people will argue that farts are the same, if not worse. But they are wrong. Just plain wrong.

The thing that sucks about burping is everyone does it sometimes. Even me. I wish it weren’t true. I wish I could say I have never taken part in the one thing I feel should be illegal. But, sometimes they slip out when I am drinking a carbonated drink. These slip up never cease to cause me despair. My face will shrivel up in repugnance. A face my friends have learned to associate as the “Oh no, Josie just burped.” Or the “Oh no someone just burped near Josie” face.

My hatred is not something I keep quiet. I have friends that for some unforsaken reason find burping AMUSING. This astonishes me. I don’t understand how anyone could find the loud, vial action as funny. I don’t understand why anyone would even attempt to burp their ABC’s. Who came up with that imprudent idea? Why would someone ever want to burp a consecutive 26 times? When one of my friends burps near me (Alaina is the main culprit) I will shoot them a murderous glance, my eyes piercing their skulls. This look never fails to make my friends whisper a sheepish “sorry dude.” With their apologies I can always bring myself to forgive them. Heck it’s not always something they can control.

As for me, I just hope my body doesn’t air vomit. I hope that it can force a burp down deep into the abyss of my body. Let the burp get trapped in a endless black hole so I can continue my day in peace. Maybe one day I will not reel in disgust when I hear a burp. Maybe the burp will just be a sound, no different from any other I hear on a daily basis. Until then I await the nausea and revulsion burps conjure deep inside myself. I wait for the next burp to wreak havoc on all that is good in the world.