I Remember…

                Well, I can’t say that I remember much; actually, I have short-term memory. I think now I have moved up to long-term memory. I can barely even remember what it is I did yesterday! Well….there is one thing I remember. It started awhile back, I think the only reason I can remember it is because it haunts me EVERYDAY. EVERYDAY!!! It basically drives me insane! Anyway, to the point. I feel like something is living in our attic….no no ‘someone’. I try not to think about it, remember it or even hear it. It just will not go away.*tiring up* I wish it went away…

                I always thought, “Maybe it’s just my imagination”. That wasn’t enough for me…                             I never want to bother anyone with this burden, but I just couldn’t take it anymore. *crutching my head* I just had to tell someone! Therefore, I told my guardian’s, but that didn’t help. They blamed it on the house just creaking or brushed it off as a mouse in the attic. GOD DAMMIT!!! You can’t just blow it off like that, I mean how the frick does a mouse get in the attic above a two story freaking house!!! Oh and “Oh it’s just the old house creaking”. For freaks sake people the house is not even 17 years old and the house does not creak or make sound for all I care! The only thing the house does is shift, and you can’t tell me otherwise, I mean how else do you explain the doors slamming shut every now and then.

                Well they FINALLY decided to check the attic. Nope, they told me there was nothing up there. *screaming inside* You can’t just go up there for 2 seconds and tell me that there’s nothing up there!!! I told them and told them repededly, but they still stick to the same old excuses. I know each and every damn day I sit there and hear it, you can’t just tell me it’s not there.

                I have the feeling of someone watching me each and every moment of each and every day, for months and years…                                                                                                                                                                                       

I am serious! I can’t be in the house or even take a shower while avoid at all cost looking at the vents on the ceiling. I feel their eyes digging into me. How can you say it’s not there? If you ever cared, you would assure me that it’s not there or at least spend a longer time up there thoroughly looking. It hurts that you do not feel the same. I lied to you when you asked why I had the vents closed in my room…

                The truth is I closed the vent in my room to make me feel safer. To feel like I can block out whoever is watching me from up there. Nevertheless, you don’t like my vent being closed…so I lied to cover up my insecurity. You haven’t notice yet that the bathroom vent is also closed. I even feel their eyes digging deep inside of me even though I closed the vents. It is just not enough! I tried to put a bandana over the vent in the bathroom…but I couldn’t reach it. I feel like I’m being watched every second. It’s not because of all the cameras in the house, but that does hurt me even more. I’m being watched more and more.

                I just can’t shake it, there is someone watching my every move from up there.*looks at the vent above me. I didn’t really close the vent because I felt like a spider would fall out of there. “I KNOW THERE IS NOWAY FOR A PERSON TO SEE FROM THE VENTS!!!” I will not take that as an answer though! I hear them walk around up there, I hear their footsteps. I feel their eyes digging DEEP into me! I just know their watching! I can feel them judging me for who I am and what I do. “Please help me…”

                I mostly here them when I’m in my room or in my bathroom. Nowhere else do I hear them, but I do feel their presence wherever I am in the house. I can’t go to the bathroom in public spaces either, because I feel them watching me through the bathroom vents too. I sometimes do hear things in the walls around those areas too; at least that’s where I think their coming from. I hide this all to myself, because I can’t trust anyone anymore. “I’m scared…”. “It hurts…” I here thuds come from up there sometimes too. I can’t shake the feeling of being watched all the time. My guardian’s wonder why I get so mad at being watched, but do they ever think it through! NO! They say they know me SO MUCH, but I KNOW it’s a lie! If you knew me, you would have known why I get so pissed when someone is watching me!

                I get so freaking mad at being watched because…I’m really just hiding the pain, hurt and scaredness in me. I hate to be watched because I always feel I’m being watched by them… Them, is the person up there. “Please make it go away…”