I’ve been acting since I was very young. My first experience with acting took place at the age of nine when I auditioned for a talent agency, I was handed a small piece of paper that held lines for me to deliver as if I was a kid in a fast food restaurant trying to convince my mom to buy me a kids meal. My love of creating different characters and living life in a different world gives me a chance to swap out my calm and reserved demeanour for something completely different. As a part of my career, as any other, I have to keep myself trained. Attending acting classes regularly and practicing scripts and monologues keeps my talent fine tuned and sharp as a blade. When I’m presented with an opportunity to try out new classes and teachers and learn what they may have to offer me, I’m always excited. 

Around the beginning of January my mom and I received a call from a family friend. “Hi Destiny, I wanted to know if you’d like to sign up for an acting class, one of my old acting teachers is hosting a six week scene study class and the classes would take place every Monday from 7pm to 10pm. If you’d like to participate let me know and I’ll take care of the costs.”  This offer sounded like a heavenly choir to my ears. Upon receiving the details of the class, my fingers proceeded to type the teachers name in the google search bar. While reading her credentials my eyes bulged as I saw pictures of her and Robin Williams and various other well known actors, this discovery furthered my desire to learn about her own acting techniques. My world felt like it was sprouting into a beautiful flower and I was able to water it. In all my excitement and glee my mom, who was equally as excited as I was, pulled me to the side, telling me “Destiny remember in all your excitement not to be blind to the things you should beware of, this is an amazing opportunity and I don’t want you to lose sight of it.” Her eyes were filled with discernment as her hushed tone rang in my ears. I took in her message understandably but I still remained with cheeks held high and dimples prominent. 

Obviously due to Covid-19 and the restrictions that surround it, the class would be conducted through zoom meetings. I actually didn’t mind this, to be honest I think I like acting classes on zoom more than in person. I don’t experience the sometimes paralyzing effects that my anxiety can have over me when going up to perform a script and the duality of doing what I love while not having to leave my room is a dream come true. The first Monday arrived, a wave of nervousness but enthusiasm came over as I clicked on the zoom link. I was met with a lady who’s long wavy red hair flowed down her torso and bracelets would jingle together as she’d wave at everyone. Her name was Susan, she was most active in her career during the 70’s and 80’s and now decided that she would share what she learned with new actors entering the business of entertainment. As class went on we performed scripts and did cold reads as if we were right in front of each other, occasionally there would be a delay or choppy internet that would falter the quality but other than that classes were smooth and clear.

At the end of each class, we’d all receive scenes to work on and memorize over the next seven days to perform in front of the class the following week. Most of the scenes I received, I was completely in love with and thoroughly enjoyed but that enjoyment came to a halt with my last scene I was assigned at the end second to last class. “Destiny and Bill, you two will be doing a scene from ‘Breakfast at Tiffany’s’.” Susan read as she smiled at the two of us. As I heard those words come out of her mouth my smile slightly dropped but still stood steady. I know about the movie mostly because of the glamour and icon status it holds and the amazing performance Audrey Hepburn did as Holly Golightly and I knew the contents of the movie. I personally didn’t think I could properly perform this scene correctly as a 17 year old highschool girl acting opposite of a 50 year old man. “Hey Destiny, I wanted to know when you’d like to rehearse our scene together?” The email sat on my phone, as my eyes lingered on the black and white text for what felt like hours. I thought of a response because in all honesty I wished I wasn’t assigned this specific script, but I responded, “Fridays and weekends are the best time for me” I hit send on a message that would open up a box of unbelievable moments to come. 

The movie was made in the 60’s but this script took place in a part of the movie where the main character, Holly Golightly, answers her door after receiving a knock at it from her neighbor. She’s not dressed and makes note of it as she ushers him into her sparse apartment. As I rewatched the movie to get some context on what I’d be doing in the scene suddenly, a boulder landed in my stomach as I saw on the screen, Holly Golightly kissed her neighbor Paul. My head repeatedly went between the screen and the script in my hand. I could feel my brain turn to taffy as I thought about the possibility of myself kissing a 50 year old man, I didn’t care if it was over Zoom it still felt awkward and creepy. 

Friday arrived and I started to get ready for our rehearsal that would take place over facetime instead of zoom. At 2pm on the dot my phone started ringing, I answered, “Hi Bill.” “Hello Destiny!” he replied. I wore an uneasy smile on my face as he started to speak about the scene and how we’d approach the script. “Well, I know that I don’t want to try to re-do an already amazing scene by emulating Audrey Hepburn, so I thought I’d add a modern twist to it since I’m a 17 year old black girl living in the 21st century.” As I spoke I noticed that he kept a smile on his face but not in the way you smile when you’re listening but instead in awe, like I wasn’t human but instead a picture you’d see in a museum. “I understand your view and I think I like that much more than what I had.” he said. “So I noticed that there was a moment in the script where…” he paused as he looked for his words “where our characters kiss,” he resumed, “Now we don’t have to do this if you don’t want to so you let me know so then we can think of other ways to go about this.” Those words felt odd to me considering that I would’ve expected him to be more adamant about not “kissing” a 17 year old girl for a scene but that arc in his integrity was nowhere to be found. “Well, I don’t want to do that since It’d be very awkward to do, so maybe instead my character can look at you longingly instead of kissing you.” “Great! Great! I like that idea.. You know, it's so funny because I’m 50 years old but I feel like I’m still a teenager and I don’t if that’s a good thing or not.” he said as he laughed in amusement and scratched his arm. An awkward smile plastered across my face as I heard him say those words, “why would he feel the need to mention that?” my inner voice said. We continued to rehearse for the next thirty minutes going over lines and then he said “Hey I noticed that instead of “Do I have my nightgown on?” you said, “Do I have any clothes on?” maybe you should change the line to that.” I stupidly agreed with his comment not hearing the words he genuinely said and changed the line to “do I have any clothes on?”. 

After rehearsal I realized how I was allowing my power to be taken out of my own hands, I was believing a lie that I couldn’t ask for a new scene to do instead of this one that I was uncomfortable with. I was also fighting with the idea of trying not to be disrespectful to adults. We planned for our next rehearsal to be a couple of hours before class on Monday. I felt a bit of relief since this would be our last class but I was still nervous since I wasn’t feeling comfortable with the material and I allowed myself to say that I in fact was comfortable. During our last rehearsal, I was practicing on facetime with my door open, unknowing that my mom was listening to our scene. In the middle of practicing I hear a text tone coming from the hallway, my ears shoot up like antennas. Thoughts race my mind as I realize that my mom is listening, “I wonder what she’s thinking” I say in my mind. I feel myself multitasking, having a conversation with my scene partner while feeling the presence of my mom and without seeing her, knowing that her eyes are staring directly at my scene partner. 

We ran over the scene one last time and hung up. I turned toward my mom, her spirit was visibly shaken. “Is that your scene partner?” she asked, her eyes narrowed as she listened to my response. “Yes, we're doing a scene from ‘Breakfast at Tiffany’s’”. She paused before responding, “I listened and your scene was disturbing considering that you’re a 17 year old girl acting opposite of a 50 year old man in a romantic scene.” I nodded in agreement, it felt like she read my mind. I was deeply uncomfortable with playing a romantic role with a grown man and I was uncomfortable with the fact that I didn’t speak up and now I was going to perform it in class not feeling as confident as I usually am with scenes. She then explained to me what his conversation sounded like outside of practicing and that it didn’t sit right with her. In her explanation I actually gained awareness of what I was experiencing. 

Grooming is a very serious topic that isn’t talked about enough when it comes to young black girls. In light of the ‘Me Too’ movement sexual assault and harassment has been publicized but no one ever talks about how in the entertainment industry there is a sort of marker over girls heads when they are approaching the age of 18, and that marker is more prominent when it comes to young black girls because of the sexualiztion we experience from ages as young as 10. When my mom mentioned that what she saw and heard was the beginning moments of grooming, that word stung like a needle. “How’s that grooming?” “Grooming? I thought it happens when someone is being overt.” These thoughts circled my mind, but it came to fruition when I thought back to some of the words and sentences Bill uttered. “Oh, you have three older brothers? Are they protective of you?” I remembered and then questioned to myself “Why would he ask that?” Reading articles from various different reporters helped me gain even more awareness of how easy it is for someone to groom you. A report from Insider reads, “Harvey Weinstein seemed harmless. That's how many of Weinstein's accusers viewed the movie producer for months and even years of their relationship with him — and it's exactly how Manhattan prosecutors say he preyed on women for decades.” That’s how I viewed my scene partner “harmless”. One of the first stages is gaining trust and information, I realized the way he was gaining trust was the unnecessary and uncomfortable complimenting he would give me after each time we practiced. I knew I wasn’t doing some phenomenal job and even if I was, one compliment would suffice, it was like he was trying to butter me up. 

In the process of speaking with my mom, it felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders, I realized that my thoughts that I was experiencing when I first received the role was warranted and I should have listened to them the moment I was assigned this role. I also felt regret because I noticed that I was undergoing stress that caused me to develop a habit of ripping out my lashes. This could’ve been avoided if I told my mom and asked for her help. “Destiny you have to remember that you have a support system that will help you, just because you’re turning 18 doesn’t mean that all of a sudden you have to figure out life on your own, you still have guidance.” Her words hugged my spirit and gave me strength. 

Our last class started and we went about with the usual schedule. My scene was sixth in line. I performed it the best I could and received feedback from the teacher, “Destiny, I liked how you played her, but you could’ve made her even more childlike with her words, you know? Holly Golightly is young, she’s 19, but I really saw the character when you said, “Am I dressed?” oh that was really good!” I felt an uncomfortable smile spread my face. Why would she want me playing a childlike innocence opposite of a grown man and call it cute? Class progressed and we got out around 11pm. Bill texted me, “Destiny, nice job! Congrats! That was so hard to do and you did it justice.” I replied a simple “Thank you, you too!” not planning on continuing the conversation, but he sent me one more message that I didn’t respond to, “Thanks for all your hard work. It really showed.” Something about that message made me feel uneasy because he already said that in the last message, why was he continuing? The text messages didn’t stop though. 

The next day I was in the car with my mom going to pick my brother up from work, still continuing our conversation from last night. “Destiny you have to speak up and be clear because if you don’t you’ll find yourself in situations like these, you shouldn’t have been paired with a grown man playing such a role.” Then I received a text, “How did you feel about the scene last night?”. My eyes looked at the text and I slowly moved the phone to my moms face. Her eyes scanned the screen and annoyance painted her face. “You need to respond and be clear, state that you didn’t feel comfortable with the scene and it’s contents.” My fingers hit the characters on my phone and I pressed send. He responded saying he was so glad I told him and if that happens again we should talk to the teacher about it and how he hates that I was uncomfortable and didn’t know and if I want to continue class he could help me in having a conversation with the teacher. As my mom and I read his response, she could clearly see the continuing stages of him trying to gain my trust so my guard could be let down. 

Once we settled the issue, stress and anxiety drained from my body. I think the lesson I learned the most from this experience is that I have power over what I do and don’t want to do. I’ve always been taught to speak up and be clear but I think in this instance I had to experience it in order to learn from it. I used to think that being clear and direct equates to being rude or disrespectful but that’s a complete lie, especially when the topic surrounds my well being. I’m glad that this experience was minor compared to what could’ve taken place but it still does affect me, I was expected to play a role that had me imitate adult actions that were masked by the niceties of compliments and smiles . This situation has not only pushed me to be clear, direct and see the bigger picture but it’s also reinforced the fact that I’m not alone in this world and I have a support system that I can rely on when I’m feeling weary and unsure of myself.