I was at a summer day camp for young kids called Camp Kee-tov, a Jewish based summer camp in the Bay Area. Every Friday we had free time where we would get random supplies and just play with them. One Friday, I found a pool noodle, and I started trying to squish a bug (very sophisticated for a four-year-old). Then some big kid twice my age came over, ripped the noodle out of my hand, and pushed me down. I got up, dusted myself off, went right after the guy and got my noodle back. I tell this story because it’s funny, but more than that, because it allows me to use humor to disguise a brag. The story shows that I have determination and that I’m brave—I went up against a kid who was much bigger than me and didn’t back down. People use stories to get a reaction. Based on whom we are with, we emphasize different parts of the story. By telling these stories of ourselves, we present a version of ourselves that we like and that we hope others like, too.

Our arsenal of stories is handpicked to create an impression. Some of the stories that I tell intentionally make me look foolish. Last year, while playing soccer, I tripped over my friend and broke my wrist. If I omit the context, it makes me look careless and clumsy. But, I don’t tell this story to make myself look careless and clumsy. I tell the story for a couple of reasons. One: it’s funny, and it establishes trust between me and the listener, because the telling of it shows that I accept my mistakes and can laugh at myself. Two: it shows that I play soccer and that I’m athletic. It’s a conversation starter, in that it allows the listener to relate or (if they’ve observed the cast on my wrist) it allows them to escape potential awkwardness, where they don't know whether to say “I’m sorry” or not. There are also accomplishment stories. I tell a story about how I was able to build a speaker all by myself in a few hours, and that I then refused to help some entitled donkey hats from the popular clique build theirs. This story gives the impression that I have a basic understanding in several areas, am good with my hands, resourceful, smart, can make things, and can stand up for myself. Based on my audience and how well they know me, I might alter the parts of this story which make me sound bossy, irritable or arrogant. In general, I only tell the story if I feel it’s something they would want to know and it’s relevant to the conversation. 

The reaction we hope to get from different stories changes based on our audience. One of the reasons we tell stories is to emphasize our skills and natural abilities, i.e. to attract mates. Business Insider reported that, “Results from a study at the University of North Carolina showed that women found men who were good storytellers more attractive as long-term partners than men who were only decent storytellers, or men whose bios didn't mention storytelling ability at all.” When we’re telling stories to people who attract us, we change our stories to make us look good, without appearing cocky and overconfident. We do this because stories can be like advertisements. Essentially, we’re selling ourselves to someone else. The more interesting the product, the more likely someone will want to buy it. Meanwhile, with our friends, we tell self-effacing stories to provide comic relief. With other people's parents, we often tell relatable stories, or PG-13 stories, so as to not seem rude. Sometimes, we use the same story with different crowds, and expect different responses. When I told teenagers and adults about my intention to start my own company, their reactions were different. I wanted both groups to be impressed, but I wanted advice from the adults, while I wanted the teens to want to join my company and think of me as an entrepreneurial god. With the younger, I emphasized the money that they could make, the limited hours they’d have to put in, and the fact that they would be changing the future of product creations. The example I gave them was the iPhone, and how people wanted a better camera, which is why the iPhone camera is incredible. (Personally, I would have wanted a better speaker.) With the adults, I emphasized my ambition and my inexperience.

The Camp Key-tove story is a funny way for me to share who I was and who I have become, in that, the way I describe my past self let’s the listener know how I see myself now, and allows the listener to contrast what they know of me today with the wild child in the story. Every story of ourselves has a purpose, often that purpose is to express something about ourselves that we struggle to tell without showing. We choose examples of who we want to be throughout our lives and share them, changing our word choice and tone depending on the listener. We tell stories not just of who we’ve been but whom we think we’d like to become.