He always made my heart race. The tall, tan brown-haired boy, whose dark hazel eyes shimmered when they looked into mine, I was drawn to him. He made fun of me a lot, and then after he would let out a little laugh, followed by a smile, which would reveal his teeth, along with his braces. It made me light up so much that I couldn’t even be mad at him for making fun of me for not playing any sports, or tripping over myself, or being a freshman, as he was a sophomore. The smell of his Polo cologne was so strong, his eyebrows so thick.

Every time we hung out, I had a good time, don’t get me wrong. We’d watch a movie, hang out, simple, but I never complained. Until one night. His arms had been around me for hours. We exchanged smiles and glances, but then he kind of rolled over and said, “Don’t touch me.” I thought he was joking, because I made a joke about him being annoying, but he just sat there. It wasn’t necessarily a magical moment, but we both sort of just sat there. He was turned away from me, and I was facing him, sort of just glancing. I admired everything about him at that moment, and my heart started racing, like how it felt like I was about to go into a haunted house, or I’m on a rollercoaster track, as it is rising, and they stop you right before the drop. That’s how my heart felt. Like the sky, lit with fireworks on The Fourth Of July, exploding.  I can’t explain why, or what made me feel this way, but I apologized, and gave him a hug, as the distance he had put between us was agonizing.

Surprised he wasn’t annoyed with the number of hugs I gave him after he said it was time for him to go, I walked him to the door, giving him another big hug right outside. I had denied to my friends that I had liked him. A relationship was the last thing I needed. I didn’t want a stupid boy to be what my heart revolved around, and honestly; I’ve never had a real boyfriend. Life is just easy without the stress of “Is he mad at me?” “What did I do wrong?” But he seemed different. He seemed like the knight in shining armor who was there to protect me, who would never hurt me. He always told me good morning, and goodnight. He accepted my personality, as weird as I am. He never judged me. He called me his girl, he said he didn’t want to leave me, he blocked other girls for me. I had finally accepted it, I liked him. In that moment when my heart felt like a firework, that’s when I realized I liked him.

No more than two days go by, I’m at my friend’s house. He asks me to hang out again, but I tell him I can’t. We’re texting on snapchat, so I sent him a picture of her, and it turns out they went to the same grade school. So, we were just talking about that, and then I opened his text to see he deleted it. I, out of curiosity, asked him what he said, and he goes, “Nothing. Just never mind.” Which sounded so passive aggressive, and I didn’t know what was wrong, and I didn’t want to pry, so I simply said, “Okay, sorry.” And then he left me on opened, which hurt, because he never did that, but I tried not to stress about it, but I went to our text again to see that he had blocked me. Two days after we hung out, two hours after he asked to hang out again. We were talking about his grade school not 10 minutes before. “What did I do?” “Is he just done with me?” “Why’s he so angry at me?” The exact stress that I didn’t want from a relationship, is exactly what I got. I was shattered, like a delicate glass that just got knocked over. My heart felt like the rollercoaster, after that drop, when your stomach feels like it was left at the top, and nothing but fear filled you, but like I said, he always made my heart race.