Taking the big leap

“ I can't do this,” I said looking down a 30ft jump into the shimmering water. 

It was the middle of July. A perfect summer day. The sun belted down on my back with a slight breeze that made the trees sway back and forth. I could hear the water dripping from my life vest like an icicle after a snowstorm. 

Whenever someone brought up the 30ft jump I felt like ants climbing inside my whole body. There was a long line and everyone was waiting for me to go. My thoughts started a tornado in my brain. I can get hurt, I can smack my back, or I can smack my face on the water which is so embarrassing. I can't do this, I can't do this.  I thought this repeatedly in my brain as my sweaty palms glided along the soaking railing. I pinch myself to make my nerves go away. But that didn’t help, my heart started to beat faster and faster each second. 

“Sophie, what is the worst thing that could happen?” Someone shouted from below.

Death. That is the worst thing that could happen. My biggest fear.

I looked up, dark gloomy clouds started to form. Maybe that is a sign I shouldn’t go.

“Emme, can you please go in front of me?” I suddenly got the urge to say.

“Sure,” Emme stated.

I saw her slowly walk out while touching the wet moist wood with her hands. I felt a gust of wind glide across my face. Emme had jumped, it's now my time too. My hands started to shake while I felt my stomach tossed and turned. Thump, thump, thump. I could hear my heartbeat through every inch of my body like a bass drum getting louder every second. My legs were peg legs, shaky and thin. Now every part of my body is shaking and shaking.What should I do? There is no way I can do this jump.  My own thoughts are taking over my choices, I’m so stupid. 

“Bzzz bzzz,” A bee flew around my head taunting me, “Haha you're such a wimp this jump is sooooo easy.” 

I can’t let a bee call me a wimp. Even a bee knows I can’t do this. What If I die? I wouldn’t get to say goodbye to my family. My mind is swirling around in circles. You can’t do this, you're gonna get hurt, no way you can do this jump. My hands started to shake more and more. I could hear footsteps gradually getting louder walking towards me. Who in the world is walking near me? I wish no one could see my anxiety getting to me. I thought. 

My friend's mom whispered in my ear, “You can do this, you did the 20ft jump and it isn’t much different, you got this!” 

That flipped my whole world upright again. I thought everyone was making fun of me for not going but then I realized they don’t care. I am the only one stopping me from going. People will forget about all this in a month.  At this point, I had to jump, time was running out, think positive things come on, you got it! You have to prove yourself wrong! My feet were burning on the lava hot platform. My hands stopped shaking. The hot blood rushing in my body started to calm, I then started thinking of positive outcomes to ease the volcano that erupted inside of me. I can do this, it can be that bad, I got this. My nerves washed away like a big ocean wave knocking out a sand castle. I walked back out on the platform once again and looked down at the dock 30 feet below. I saw all of my friends on the dock and emme swimming back. I slowly looked directly down, I saw the ripples of where emme had jumped. Everything went quiet, it's my time to shine and power through. 

“Hurry up!” someone yelled from behind.

I have to jump, I have to jump, I can do this, I can do this  I thought. I take a deep breath gulping in the moist air, then I exhale like blowing out a candle.  3,2,1….  I jumped off the platform, I could feel the wind breeze against me and suddenly I was underwater. The water slammed me around while I was trying to get afloat. I flopped my arms like a bird gliding through the sky and my life vest finally floated me above the water. That wasn’t that bad after all. 

“You did it!” Emme shouted from the dock.

Jeez, I did do it , I thought to myself. I climbed back up on the dock and I looked back at the jump shocked that I overcame my fear. I begged my friends to go again. My excitement rushed through me and I knew to not let my negative thoughts control if I jump or not. After about 3 more hours at the lake, it was time to go home. In the car drive home I thought about how this was a learning experience for me. I tend to easily think negative thoughts while I am nervous which doesn’t help at all. From this moment, I know that pushing away all of my fears and thinking positive thoughts can really help me calm down. I also learned from this experience to use my confidence to persevere from my doubt. I could have easily not gone but I showed my confidence and used it to grow from my fears. I will never forget the feeling of overcoming my own doubt and learning I can do anything by changing my self thoughts.