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2/2/2020
a million unspoken words
the million layers of a pinecone
as she crouches
on her knees at the side of the bed
her grandmother’s hand
on top of the covers
is still
she is too young
she is too fragile
to face this
her grandmother’s breathing is scary
she will always remember that
the breathing
of a broken machine
clattering
painful
dying
she lets the tears fall
as she tries to say all the things she never did
while her grandmother’s eyes were open
and her mind could understand them
now
her clear eyes hide,
cloaked by her eyelids
like two fugitives
hiding, hiding away
they will never again open
the girl knows.
she is too young, too young
she understands what is happening
but does not want to believe it
when they turn off the oxygen she panics
stop it, stop it
don’t you idiots know she’s still alive?!
anger
bubbles inside her
a thousand furious words
the doctors, the nurses,
she even blames herself
why, why couldn’t she
keep her grandma alive longer?
why didn’t she do more
search harder for a cure?
it is too late
the light of day will dawn
and a piece of the girl
will be forever lost
she wants to hit someone
express all the anger in her heart
through her fists.
she shreds a tissue
rips it into pieces
shredding part of who she is
because she will never be the same
after
her grandma’s death.
the easy days of
swing sets
and carefree afternoons
are gone.
she is cold
in her ice heart.
at 10:37 pm
the mechanical breathing stops
and all is quiet
her grandmother’s skin a pasty gray
her pulse, gone
she has entered into death
and no words can speak of her granddaughter’s pain
This piece is highly personal but also deeply sad. Please read and re-read.