“Hey what's your number” is what you asked me and i nervously obliged, we sat on the bus next to each other so awkwardly, or maybe it was just me that was worried about how much space i took on that gray leather school bus seat, or maybe i was the only one worried about how loud i was breathing or where my eyes landed what or what to do with my arms, my hands, my feet or myself.

“So what are you into?” I answered every question you had about me with an open heart. 

I fell for you so hard as if my heart was an anchor and you were the ship's captain sailing your boat into my world. Three months go by of us talking and getting to know each other and i fell for your facade, your allusion 

“Will you go out with me?” Those words were the butterflies that fluttered in the innocent garden of my heart. Offset white with a long lace train with an elegant vintage shape and flowing lace sleeves is what I imagined my wedding dress would be on our wedding day, but just like you it was all a facade, only a dream that I daydreamed. The more that i fell in love with you the deeper my grave dug but i was the one holding the shovel--- willingly, i saw all the red flags that were strung on your ship, waving so beautifully, waving in a way that i should have seen but i wanted to try for you, i wanted to dig my grave deeper with a hope that you could plant a flower within that grave, but just like you it was all an allusion. 

“I want to break up with you” are the words that embezzled between my roots, I was heart broken for weeks to the point that you could see it in my eyebags, in my dull hair you could even see the the flower petals falling out of me, flowing in that same wind that flowed and grazed your red flags. Now my garden sits in its own sallow, lays in its own shade hidden from the sun, this isn't the end i can go looking for a stronger shovel that's tucked away in a shed so far away i can let myself move on, replant even more exquisite flowers, just because im with a broken heart doesn't mean i should stunt my own growth with other forms of love, but as of now i think i should focus on rebuilding my roots.