Dear You,

I am 14 years old and in every way too young to give my heart. But I feel like I’m a balloon, so swollen with emotions I might burst at any second. So I write. You don’t know this about me, but I love to write and write until words can’t describe my feelings. You don’t know a lot of things about me. My favorite color (although you might have guessed it; purple is a common thing with me), my favorite type of food (Thai), my favorite type of candy (dark chocolate), what ticks me off (well, you know some of those things). You don’t know I watch you in the halls. I scrutinize how you walk, with the bounce in your step. I hate to write this out, but last year I even tried to mimic your walk. You don’t know that I used to keep a list of all the girls that liked you. You don’t know that I talk just a little bit louder when I’m near you. You think I don’t see when you look at me, but now you know. I know.

Listen to me, just ramble on and on about me stalking you. But I made myself a vow: I will not edit, rewrite, delete, or add anything to what I have already written. “The moment is truthful” is what Mr. Shane says. You don’t know this either; he’s my acting instructor at the studio I go to. Although, I disagree. More or less at least. There are times when I don’t have any clue what you’re talking about because the urge to just stretch my toes and kiss you is so great I can barely think. Same thing with telling you right there that I love you. Or playing with your hair. Actually, I’m guilty of the last one. And I’m really sorry if it freaks you out, but you gotta know, I don’t do it to just you.

Look at me, I just backspaced what I was going to say. Maybe I should tell you all the things I love about you. You refuse to gossip. You forgive easily. You have brown eyes. You make people feel comfortable. You laugh a lot. You smile all the time. You forgive and forget. You accept everyone. You talk to yourself. You sing to yourself. And you love God so much it makes me cry. I love how you’re so humble. And unique. Your charm makes me feel like I’m the only girl you will ever talk to. But you do that to every single girl you meet, which is why so many girls are infatuated with you. Don’t you get it? You’re charm gives the illusion that you’re perfect. I know you better now, and I know that you’re pretty close.

Remember when we first met? I don’t mean back in last December, I mean in sixth grade. No, you wouldn’t remember. I mean, it was four years ago. But I remember it. We didn’t talk. We just stood there. Face to face. Cara a cara. You had helped me catch a basketball I nearly dropped. We stood like that for what seemed eternity. Just staring at each other. Then you broke it with your beautiful smile. And handed me the basketball. I’m sure I either awkwardly smiled back or just kept on gaping at this new feeling. I had absolutely no idea what it was. I still don’t even know exactly how I felt but it was so WEIRD. And amazing. I had electricity pulsing through my heart down my veins and into every fiber of my being. You walked off. I dropped the basketball and leaned against a wall, so numb with emotion. People around me were running and screaming and laughing but all I heard was silence. And my heart beat. No joke. I know you’re probably really freaked out by reading this if you felt none of these things. But the way you smiled at me… it was so surreal…I don’t know. Really, I’m FOURTEEN.

Then the first time we actually met was December 15 last year (yeah, I remembered the date… and what shirt I was wearing- the blue Jesus Freak one. You have one like it…). We were in science (haha, good times) and we were in a group together with Kaitlin and Hunter. Something about a moon phase lab… I don’t know. But we had a lot of down time and we talked a lot. About God, music, life, fun, friends, all sorts of things. Then I couldn’t get you out of my head. I even liked someone else at the time and you were STILL tugging on my heart. And I liked the other guy hardcore. Anywho, after that I got an allergic reaction whenever I looked at you. I can’t explain it… it was so strange. New things I guess. I don’t know.

You have broken my heart too. At times I don’t understand why I still can’t get enough of you. When you got a girlfriend. Flirted with other girls majorly. And when you told my sister that you “had your fill of dancing” when she told you to dance with me. I mean, thanks for sparing my feelings but I’m not STUPID (my sister is though- she thinks you actually meant it when you said that).

But then you turn around and it’s like God is saying to you “she’s the one”. You’re so strange like that, you know. After the dance, I was majorly confused; a guy I hadn’t seen in years asked me to dance right after you said no. I said sure and it was cool, I guess. Then after the dance I was looking for my ignorant sophomore sis when you approached me. And you acted as if nothing happened! (maybe you did have your fill of dancing… really, you are SO hard to read). Then (you think I didn’t hear it) you said to me “stay strong”. That broke me. You break me everyday. But, I love it so much.

I think I’m done. All my emotions that I could put a finger to have been sifted onto the computer. So I’ll say good-bye now and go do my homework. See you tomorrow. Love you. Stay strong. From, Grace.


(P.S. I forgot to tell you: you’re never going to read this. I needed to let all my love go somewhere, so I chose writing it out. I will never EVER let you touch this. I even disguised this document so no one will ever read it but me. “Current Event” under my LA folder. I might put it on TeenInk, personally I think this is the best work I’ve ever done.)