I was in a seemingly nice relationship with a guy i thought was the god of my existence for a year and three months. we went to chruch, went to school, and we were always together. at our church, there was a guy from Flarida that came to visit every summer. his name was christian. he was a cute little emo boy, his hair was always perfect, his eyes shone like diamonds, and he always had something to say or something to make us laugh when we were sad. i secretly liked him, but i stayed away and didnt talk to him for a long time because i was afraid the one i was with, jeremiah, would get mad. if jer ever got mad at me, he would wait until we were alone, and he would yell at me, call me names, and tell me over and over i belong to him, and only him, and if i ever left him, he would harm himself.
knowing all this, and wanting to keep jer happy, i didnt talk to christian. i turned when he came towards me, and i made him think i hated him, just so i could keep jer happy.
well, one weekk in july, i got a chance to go to a church camp called Falls Creek. jer didnt want to go, because he had went the year before and thought it was boring, but i was interested in trying something new so i asked the church if i could go too. they said as long as i went to the fundraisers for it, and paid a lillte bit, i could go. i worked for half a month to get all i needed. by this point, jer had stopped attending church. one day christian ventured down the hall to talk to me while we were prepairing for a church yard sale. i was distracted so i didnt know who i was talking to at the time. after about 5 mins of reply-where-needed conversation, he said he was going to falls creek too and asked if jer was going. it was the montion of jer that got my full attention at last. i looked up, and it was as if my world froze in a mass of not knowing if i should run away or stay there, i didnt know what to do... i was simply frozen, as a deer in headlights... i shook off my stupor and told chrisrian, no, jer was not going. he said "oh, thats too bad... you wanna hang out since i dont know anyone else here?"
i was a bit shocked, but figured, hey, why not.. i didnt really like many people here anyways..
so christian and i started talking. i learned alot about him. he was very interesting to me, and to make everything better, he listened to me and helped me think of ways to get rid of my problems.
i never said anything about jer and i avoided the topic when nessecary . i wanted to keep myself thinking clearly.. i couldnt let this one guy, being nice and actually caring, get in the way of a year long relationship!!


when it was time to leave for the camp, jer was not even there to say goodbye. i sat with christian on the ride there. we talked about music and other thing of the sort. he had learned enough about me to know what i liked to talk about and what i liked to not mention at all..
we got to the camp, my imidiate thought was to explore this wonderful place i had never been to. i started walking off by myself, after i had put my things in the 'cabin'. christian noticed and called for me to wait up. i smiled to myself inside, but tried not to show him how hearing my name from his lips sent the butterflies in my stomach to swirling. i looked straight most of the time i was with him.
from one to five in the afternoon, every day, we walked.
we walked here, we walked there, we explored places where no one ever went for fear of hauntings, or trouble. we learned alot about eachother in the time we spent. i quickly fell in love with him. he shared many of my problems and showed me how he solved them.
he kept the personal boundaries i had and never tried to over-step them.
the first night.. we just walked and talked
the second night.. we walked, we found a cabin with some people from texas and sat to enjoy a bit of conversation and listen to the beautiful sound of the guitar player in the background. we went back to our cabin at 5.
the thrid night, we visited the same cabin from texas that we found last time and stayed there nearly all day. christian talked to the people, while i sat, petting his hair and listening to the conversations, adding in comments when something seemed interesting. i laughed when i realized my playing with his hair had made him fall asleep <3 it was adorable!! we watched the sun sink down and wondered what time it was. we did NOT want to be late getting back again lol. no one seemed to have a clock till we were an hour late to get back!! we were in a bit of a hurry, but hey, we were already late, so we took the long way back.
the long way included a dark road, with an amazing canopy of trees split right in the middle so the light of the full moon and the stars was the only light showing.
we walked down that road, holding hands, talking softly, and enjoying the night air. we went quiet for a moment, and he stopped walking. i was taken by suprise and thought there was something wrong. i went to him to ask, and he simply looked into my eyes, leaned down, and kissed me...
i was shocked at first, then i let the feeling of his lips to mine make my mind clear, and my body float.. i was so amazed.. he kissed me... but more amazingly, i kissed back..
to me, that alone was cheating..
the thought running through my head was " wow. i just cheated on jeremniah. i have been with him for a year and four months tomorrow, and i cheated on him.."
more shockingly, i didnt care..
i felt no guilt at all.
on our walk back that night, when we crossed the bridge, i threw the ring jer had given me into the river and watched the small bit of gold drift along the rocks.
i felt no guilt, i felt no pain.
the only thing i knew was.. i fell completley in love with christian....
after we got back from Falls Creek, i left jer and didnt talk to him at all.
a few short weeks later, christian had to go back to florida. i cried for weeks and i missed him more than anything.
but every night i felt better because he calls me.
never losing contact.
now, i sit here, nearly a whole year later, and i still talk to him every night.
me and jer, we are friends now.
me and christian, we have our relationships outside of eachother, but our love for eachther is still first. as soon as he comes back, i am his.
forever, thank you, to the one who set me free... i love you Christian