I know what I want. I can see myself fulfilling what goals I’ve set for myself like college and personal goals, but why can I just not reach them? I try and want to mend the cracks I have made in my personality and myself but I just can’t seem to find the strength and determination to do so. As I realize the short time life really is, it makes me want to rush to reach it even when I should take one step at a time.

Recently I’ve been thinking about a lot of things. Going into high school, I really need to pull myself together academically. I set high goals but I end up not reaching them. Procrastination and ADHD don’t really help the fact but when I finally do accomplish a difficult task that has been placed in front of me, there is a level of pride that I receive…well that is until I end up falling flat on my face because I didn’t keep up. As for the social more personal side of it, I see myself being this great (not perfect) person who has found her place in this world. I know what I want and need to fix but I just can’t seem to find that thing inside me that really shines through to get me there.

Rushing through these things isn’t such a smooth idea either. Granted life is short and some are shorter than others but as I’ve seen, rushing only makes learning those things and achieving them an extra stair step that you really could have passed on your way up. I don’t want to wait around for these things to change. I want to be able to just wake up and there I am, that girl I can see in the distance.

The real point of this personal essay is that even when you can’t get to what you want exactly at the moment you want it, patience, determination, and just a little bit of faith is what will get you through. As I’m writing this I’m still not to the top of the stair case to make me into who I really am and want to be but as time rolls on, I’m one step closer to the top of the mountain…although a ski lift would certainly be nicer than walking…