Why teenage boys should start a male empowerment group (and leave after 19).

Now that my friend has a new boyfriend, it's time again for her to ignore me like Peru Massachusetts to a Berkshire County tourist, until they break up; and we watch Clueless and tivoed CW day-time, while indulging on countless amounts of whipped cream- straight from the can. If you and I arn't too tight, then this scene wouldn't seem familiar to you the last time you broke up with your boyfriend. I'm typically the female gym-teacher's pet who's liberated myself from the trials of men-I'll give you a whole speech on why men are worthless, unappreciative and arrogant if you ever once mention how much you miss your boyfriend who just gave you that annoying package of oblivious red roses. They all are like that foreign exchange student who barely speaks any English, but still is really condescending when he explains to you why you got a C on your chemistry test. Especially teenage boys: who are primates. Like those pictures of evolution from monkey-to-man in your 6th grade textbook, they are like somewhere in the middle, a little over, but not too far. But that's another column. Anyway, last time my friend and I were debating on whether Shay Shay's ex was really her baby's daddy, or if it was the stripper backstage (I was truly praying the best for these dear souls) , I was a little withdrawn and cautious. I just felt like this time I needed to be more respectful of her ex who was probably in his room writing lyrics while shaking his red pepper-resembling instrument that he plays in his unintentionally non-profit band. I felt like my half-hearted participation was the least respect I could show myself I had. "Well, you know, there were those other 20 guys she slept with..", my friend (who will remain nameless) then tried to cheer me up. "No, it's not that, it's just..". "What.", she looked over at me with whipped cream and chocolate brownie mix painted on the sides of her face. "He kind of got whipped". Fifteen second later, I was on her front porch, with a pain on the side of my face from a whipped cream can that felt like I should have had a dent.

For all of you cool cats who don't know what it means to be whipped, first of all; thank.you.for.reading.this. Second, the Urban Dictionary's definition is; To be utterly controlled or dominated by one's partner, as in girlfriend, boyfriend, or spouse. For all of you crats who know what I'm talking about; how you doing? The more I think about this term, the more I acknowledge how many teenage girls I know whipp their boyfriends around. It's almost as though we are turning into a society where women will become overlords. Well, maybe that's an over exaggeration, but I guess once you see a divorce case in Northampton, you kind of start gaining sympathy for men. I just wish girls weren't so bossy all of the time to their boyfriends and it wouldn't get so awkward when their boyfriend went silent. Of course, maybe this behavior will disperse in a few years, like when preteen boys suddenly reach their growth spurt. Maybe it is absolutely no sign of the times, but just of my age group. As I recall in The Adventures of Tom Sawyer, Tom got whipped. Remember; by that Becky girl who constantly rejected him after he regrettably admitted that he was engaged to another girl prior to theirs. If even the Zac Efron of a male-dominated time could be whipped into such a state of desperation, then what will become of these young teenage men? I know of a similar whipp situation. I now ponder back to sixth and seventh grade, before I had moved, when my friend and her best guy friend (since elementary school) would sit together at lunch every day and spread inside jokes they didn't make up through watching comedy central while their parents were away. Now, the last I heard about this guy was on his girlfriend's blog, where she wrote: 'THESE BEY@TCHE$$ NEED TO GET OFF OF MY M@NNN!!'. Clearly, these 'beyatches' were her boyfriend's female friends (aka my friend). But, apparently my friend no longer talks to this guy because his girlfriend doesn't let him. Actually, this situation isn't really similar to that of Tom Sawyer's, but I just needed a good transition. My point is clear and simple, that teenage boys are being whipped; it is a fact, and now, we must come together and do something about it.

If you are a girl and are denying this, chances are; you are a whipper. Boys also denying this have been/are being whipped themselves. A study showed that 10% of teenage boys who shop at Price Chopper from 9:15-9:30 on a Saturday morning will say they were whipped by past girlfriends, while 60% actually really were whipped. Well, at least two were, I know, because their girlfriends were giving me the once over. Tskk..beyatches. And that right there is 20%. So, if teenage boys want to regain their moral integrity (aka arrogance), then the first step they need to accomplish is to admit that they are indeed being whipped. Now, you must turn to a greater power to give you strength; Michael Jordan. The third step is to examine maybe some past errors you yourself have made in the relationship to have let it come to this. If you can't think of any, then you have reached the fourth step of male-empowerment. Now you must make amends, live a new life, helping others that suffer as you have. It is often harder for a girl to stop whipping once she has already reached such a height of power and control, but if you really really want help, then I strongly suggest you call up my friend (the first one) and tell her that she really did whipp him. I'm just putting that out there, if you don't want any help then, whatever. But now that my friend has a new boyfriend, the cycle only continues and so does the CW's America's Next Top Model.