1 in 5 teens experiences the symptoms of depression

Every 40 seconds someone commits suicide

I read you these statistics for many reasons; one is that I personally suffer from
depression. And secondly I hope that by sharing this with you any of you also suffering will realize that you are not suffering alone. I hope you are able to realize that although you may feel lost and hopeless, things will eventually get better. I constantly have moments where I think it would be easier to just give up, crawl into a dark hole, and cry, but by reminding myself that I am not alone, it helps me to suppress these pains.

Here is my story.

I was in grade 8 when I first began to feel depressed. I had been going in and out of hospitals for 10 years trying to figure out a disease they were probably never going to figure out. The doctors were giving up on me and I was also giving up on myself. I felt like everything was falling apart. I didn’t have any friends that I could talk to about what I was going through. I was completely alone. I had to swallow the pain and put on a fake identity. An identity where I was happy, where I smiled all the time and where I didn’t cry in front of people. The crying had to wait until I was home and alone in the comfort of my bed. I was isolated from everyone. Finally in November I had completely given up. I was sick of trying to get better. I couldn’t figure out a way to get myself out of the blackness that was surrounding me. I decided the only way out was suicide. 2 days before my birthday I was admitted into hospital. I spent 2 nights there. When I got out I started seeing a counsellor weekly. She helped me to figure out what I was feeling and what was going through my head when I was sad. She helped me to figure out what I
needed to do to be happy again. I actually began to feel happy again. I went to Florida with my family and felt really good.

Around January I began to feel myself sinking again. I saw how happy my family and friends were to see me back to my old self and so I kept these feelings hidden. A couple of weeks later I was back into hospital. This time I was admitted into a child and adolescent mental health unit. When I first went into hospital I was very scared. What I saw when I got in was completely different. It was a very relaxed setting. We had school every day like all the other kids in schools. At 3 we would sit around a table and talk about different things, some days it was how to stand up to bullying, other days it was how to prevent yourself from coming back to this place. Some days we would just sit and do crafts. It was one of the best experiences I ever had. I learned so many valuable things. I learned things that some people would never get to learn in their lives. Before I was admitted into the hospital for a second time I found a poem that I think really spoke to how I was feeling. This is how it goes:

If I wasn’t here tomorrow
Would anybody care?
If my time was up I wanna know
You were happy I was there
If I wasn’t here tomorrow
Would anyone lose sleep?
If I wasn’t hard and hollow
Then maybe you would miss me
I know I’m a mess and I wanna be someone
Someone that I like better
I can never forget
So don’t remind me of it forever
What if I just pulled myself together
Would it matter at all
What if I just try not to remember?
Would it matter at all
All the chances that have passed me by
Would it matter if I gave it one more try
If I wasn’t here tomorrow
Would anybody care
Still stuck in this sorrow
I’ve got nothing and going nowhere

I want to help you understand what depression is. It is not something that you can
just get over. It is not something that people fake. It can come from a variety of issues, things like abuse, divorce, school issues, hormonal changes or low self esteem are very common. There are many more causes of depression; these are just some of the main ones.

Many people who do not experience depression do not realize that people who are depressed are not just sad. They do not realize that you feel worthless, hopeless, and guilty, rejected and despair. When you are depressed all you want is to stop crying, to stop feeling the pain that goes on in your life. Every morning the same thoughts run through your head: Wouldn’t it be better if I was dead? Wouldn’t everyone else be happier if I was gone?

There are many different theories and ideas on how to help someone who is
experiencing depression. When I am going through a period of time when I feel
depressed the only thing that i want is for someone show me that they are going to be there for me. I don’t really need people telling me that I am just going though a phase; I need them to hug me and tell me that they are there. Another thing that you can do to help someone who is going through depression is by distracting them. Not everyone is comfortable talking about what they are going through, but by staying there with them, or offering to go to a movie it can help to take their minds of he problems. Even just for a few minutes.

My last form of advice would be to have hope. I have a poem that I would like to read, it describes what I am talking about. This is what it says:

This world, this world is cold
But you don't, you don't have to go
You're feeling sad, you're feeling lonely
And no one seems to care
This pain you cannot bear
But we all bleed the same way as you do
And we all have the same things to go through
Hold on, if you feel like letting go
Hold on, it gets better than you know
Don't stop looking, you're one step closer
Don't stop searching, it's not over
Hold on

Hold on is what I have done and what I continue to do. I have good days and bad days but most importantly all of my days are filled with people who support and acknowledge the way I feel. They are there for me and they remind me that they would care if I was gone. I wanted to share this part of myself with all of you because a mental illness like depression is not something to be ashamed of or afraid of. It is something that many people experience and something that as a society we need to learn how to deal with. I hope that I have made an impact on all of you and let all of you know that you are not alone and you need to find your own way to continue to hold on.