6:33am 11/30/11

I stare at myself in the mirror, hoping that what I see is good enough for that other being, the being that has made me sink so low in his choice of another. The previous day, holding my own actions of trying to work myself up failed completely. I try and try again…what exactly I am trying to accomplish I have no idea, but for some reason it’s important. I have to see myself through this task or it will destroy me…I think it already has, I continue to dwell on this path of trying to impress another that I no longer recognize what I am…what I am becoming. I look in the mirror not seeing myself, but a doll, who’s hair is being continuously trimmed and prepped, I see another pulling my own strings, laughing to his own amusement. I do not struggle to get away, I let things be, because I am certain that I will never be able to cut the strings of my own reflection, I can only watch on in horror as I let myself be led down a path that I can never come back again, but I shall wave myself goodbye, bidding I a good journey and hope that I will eventually return safely. I have gone on to think that maybe it is the boy who now holds the strings, the boy who is now dragging me down that path, but deep down I know my own being pulls the strings. I drag my own self to my own destruction, and I admit that I have done so.