Then
“Let’s never be friends again,” he said. His face was more serious than what I was used to, so it took me a second to register what my best friend had just said. I felt the pit of my stomach turn into a million fluttering butterflies, just like that instant where I’m at the top of a rollercoaster, ready to fly toward the ground. In my head, I took the sentence apart. I dissected every word, even though it was only five. The words were clearly spoken: he was speaking the same language as I, yet I didn’t understand. I couldn’t comprehend what he meant into my brain the way I could with any other sentence. The words that had come out of his mouth were like a foreign language to me. I tried searching for sense to make out of what was happening. His face didn’t assure me that it was some joke. His eyes were tired and pathetic, looking down at me. He seemed unamused by my silence.
I searched for my own words desperately. They were on the tip of my tongue, but I was so full of confusion that I couldn’t figure out how to respond. This day hadn’t really come, I reassured myself. It especially hadn’t come for the reasons that I thought. But what if it was here because of those reasons? I had recently clashed with his new girlfriend, but that couldn’t be why he said what he said. I mean, we’d been friends for six years! It just didn’t make any sense.
“W…What?” was all I could spit out. I must have looked stupid for stuttering. I knew he could tell that I was taken aback, but it didn’t faze him. I met his eyes, but he looked away and sighed out loud.
“We’re not friends anymore.” He said with a stern emphasis, like a parent to a child. Immediately, at the speed of a gunshot, my heart fell to my stomach. My head was spinning, trying to make sense out of something that made none! ‘Not friends anymore’ meant no more memories. It meant no more fun times together, no more consoling each other, no more watching each other grow as we went through life changes and amateur relationships. At those words, the important spot I held in his life was diminished. ‘Not friends anymore’ meant that six years of friendship were going down the drain. It was six years of a one of a kind friendship that he seemed to be forgetting. Was I supposed to pretend none of it happened? ‘Not friends anymore’ meant that something was terribly wrong, and I just didn’t understand why.
“Here.” In his right hand was a rolled up piece of clothing. As he held it out for me to grab, I looked at it before taking it. As I unfolded it, I instantly recognized the shirt. The word ‘Volcom’ was written across the chest in large letters. The size tag said S, for small. It was an old shirt… a few Christmases old, actually. I remember shopping in the overpriced store at the mall looking for a basic piece of clothing around the holidays as a present for my then-boyfriend. The exchange of gifts never ended up happening, so I gave the shirt to my best friend instead, and it was an inside joke for the following four years. Back then, we were on the same page. But now? I had no idea what book he was reading.
“Why are you giving this back?” I asked, even though I knew what was going on. I didn’t want this whole thing to happen, so I wanted to be in denial. I nearly expected him to surprise me with a genuine smile and laugh at me for believing he would do something so ridiculously unheard of. I was waiting. Any second it could happen, I told myself, just wait. He’s just messing around. This isn’t like him; you know that, I thought. There’s no way one person could influence his friendship with me so easily. We were too strong for that. Our bond was too close: we’d gone through enough in the past so it seemed as if we were unbreakable. Keyword: seemed.
“I’ll see you around, Jordan.” He said it, but he didn’t mean it. He wasn’t going to see me around, and if he did, he would pretend not to recognize me. His voice was undisputable. Just like that, with the turn of his feet, he was gone from my life. He left me there holding an old t-shirt that held many memories: hanging out at the mall in middle school, pool parties in the summer, video chats and phone calls, drama from all types of situations, new experiences…the list could go on. I felt like the last person on Earth right then. On cue, all of my emotions came flooding in: how could he have done that? How could he forget that I’m a human being too, with the same set of feelings that he has? Did he, for once, disregard them? I certainly don’t know; I can’t put it together. I don’t know how his face was kept so grim when the words he spoke had broken my heart. I watched him go, and with every step he took, I wanted to shout: turn around! Tell me you’re joking! You don’t really mean this. I know you don’t. You’re my best friend, and I’m yours. You don’t do this to your best friend; you just don’t! ...Right?

Now
It took me awhile to get over it, but I did. After so much time wondering what went wrong and what could have gone differently, I realized that there wasn’t anything I could have done to prevent it. It was his decision. And although my heart craved closure, aching to put missing pieces together, I accepted the fact that he wasn’t ready to give it. Maybe he was fighting just as hard as I was; maybe he was trying not to give in after he’d already given up. Maybe one day he’ll tell me what exactly happened. Until then, I’ll just go on without him. If somewhere down the line he shows up out of the blue with a smile on his face, I’ll be there to welcome him back with open arms.