I betray you all the time, and it pains me to think of what it does to you. It's not suppose to be like this, I'm not suppose to be this way. In a way, I'm winning, and in a way, I'm losing. I need to find a way to make both of you happy. How do I live up to both of your expectations? I feel like i need to split myself in half, and give each of you a piece of me. I don't understand the balance between both necessities. I also have my own needs but I am so focused on satisfying you two, that i forget myself in the process. I try so hard to put you first, but that means I will loose him. Sometimes I just want to...disappear.