You know what’s funny about all the fairy tales? There’s only ever just one man and one woman involved you know? At least only those two that actually love each other. There may be another woman or man that they are supposed to be with but it is always evident that they are forced into some tragic coupling. What about real life where someone is actually soul damagingly in love with two men? What if one man has been there for her through every ordeal she’s ever suffered? He’s her partner, her other half, but he’s also her downfall. And what if the other has always been there, on the outskirts, waiting? The first has given her everything, but has also taken her whole life away. The second has never given her a thing, yet in the darkness he’s there like a light showing her the way.

Both are good for her, and yet both are a match made in hell. One is ambitious and responsible but also is still just a boy. No families and no strings for him and this girl has both. The other is the opposite; never holding down a job, never being responsible or supportive and yet he is there whenever she needs him. He loves his children and is at least grown enough that he knows to stay. He too is just a child. He would do anything for her, and yet in truth he does very little. His entire life is words and little else. Can she live on words?

Thought: He’s the father of my children; of course I want him to succeed. So why am I secretly hoping he fails? Why do I want him to cheat or hurt me and give me an excuse to end everything? Is it that I want to be away from him or that I want to be with someone else? Am I so fickle that I’m willing to give up over three years of struggle and perseverance for what may only be a fling? Or is it that regardless of future dating prospects all I want is to be free? I am constantly chained down with him. Not just emotionally but in other ways too. I have no privacy, nothing is sacred, and everything is up for grabs. I am not a person, I am a possession. Is that proof of his love or will it only escalate? Am I unfaithful because I am cold, or is it a rebellion on the strict day to day life he has me endure in the name of commitment and loyalty. Do I really love anyone else, or is he just my escape?