Everybody goes through the struggle at some point in life some early some when they got older, my struggle happened when I popped out of my mom’s vagina. I love my mom to pieces I would do anything for her, but she has put me through some of the worst things a child has ever been through and I resent her for it. My mom started life at a very young age she had my brother when she was 18 and me at 21. My mom wanted me and my brother to have all the things in life that she didn't have she always complained about how my grandma was a bad mother and how she was going to be a better mom. Unfortunately the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

When I was 5 I started to realize what kind of person my mom really was; she was always drunk, always fighting with her boyfriend, and constantly getting high. As the years went on I noticed there were always people coming to our house, I never seen these people in my life they weren't family or friends they were just stray dogs. More people started coming to the house and the conversation always started off with, “what do you want to grab?” It was never a hello, how are you and your kids, how have you been, whenever my mom talked to them she was selling something I just never knew what it was. One day my dumb ass mom decided to leave me at home by myself while she went to “the store”. While she was gone I was wondering about in her room, I wondered off to the bathroom and was going through her stuff. I found this white powdery substance, some brown sticky stuff that looked like Mexican candy, and weed. I already knew what weed was when I started elementary school only because my mom always had it in my face, smoking it right in front of me, but I was confused about the flour and Mexican candy in my mom’s bathroom and I was even more confused on why it was in the bathroom. I never asked my mom about it because it was pretty clear that it was flour and Mexican candy what else could it be?


One thing that I never liked about my mom was that she never knew went to pick up and leave when things got bad she always just made things worse. My mom’s boyfriend at the time/my sisters dad and me have never got along I never liked any of my mom’s boyfriends only because whenever she got in a relationship she was a different person. She was mad all the time, they were many times where fights got physical and I had to sit and watch my mom get beat. She continued to stay with him, and didn't really care that her kids were affected by it. That partying got worse, and so was my mom’s relationship. One day Jessie and I got to stay up late and chill with Danny (mom’s boyfriend) I was excited because we got to play outside when it was dark. I was playing in the car in the backseat with my brother, I noticed these bright headlights driving by very slow which was very suspicious to me, then out of nowhere I heard “BANG, BANG, BANG, BANG”!!! I saw Danny fall to the ground trying to come to the car me and Jessie were in, he yelled to us get down get down! Jessie pushed me to the bottom of the car the gun shots hit the car so hard I don’t think I ever heard something so loud so far. I knew mine and Jessie’s life’s we’re in danger I didn't know what else to do but hold my brother as tight as I could and cry. Gun shots stopped and Danny wasn't responding when I opened the door I was too scared to get out and I seen Danny laying on the ground crying in pain he had two gun shots in his leg. Cops showed up within 5 minutes and my mom came home drunk again from work only this time she freaked out. She walked into a bloody carpet and paramedics taking Danny, and me and Jessie with blood on our clothes just sitting on the floor in shock we couldn't even help the cops with any of their questions. Danny was OK he had an injured leg but nothing major, me and Jessie were OK physically but mentally we we’re dramatized.

Months went by, and my mom and Danny’s relationship was getting worse. One day Danny decided to pack up and leave my mom begged him to stay obviously she didn't have enough but he did. I looked at Danny different from then on, as someone who was mature enough to leave and apologize when he was wrong; I also looked at my mom different from then on someone who was weak minded, selfish, classless, and immature.

7 months later the unexpected thing happened pretty much everything I never expected to see. I was sitting in my room watching celebrity death match, Jessie was in my mom’s room, and my mom was getting drunk and high in the living room with her new boyfriend and her random friend. Out of nowhere I heard “Boom!” “Get on the f***ing ground, get on the ground; hands on your head”. I thought it was our TV but it was too loud for it to be my TV all of a sudden, some guy in black armor kicked my door open and they had big guns and on the back of their armor said S.W.A.T. Three more came in my room looking around for something and I was just sitting there in shock, a lady with a black S.W.A.T jacket came and picked me up and put me in my mom’s room with Jessie asking us a bunch of questions I didn't say anything I just sat there in shock while the guys in black armor and guns started tearing our house apart. One of the guys came out of my mom’s restroom holding the flour and Mexican candy that was in momma’s bathroom; apparently it wasn't what I thought it was because the lady in the black jacket called it coke and heroin. Ms. Jackie (the lady in the black jacket) took me and Jessie out in the living room and we seen our mom in handcuffs along with her friends; we hugged mom and have her kisses as she told us that she was going away for a while and she loved us very much. My grandma and my Tia walked in the door and I ran to my Tia; she began to burst in tears and so did I. The one person, who has been around me my whole life, was leaving me and my brother; our dad’s were never around and the one person we ever had was being taken away from us.

As I’m getting older I try not to resent my mom for all the wrong things she has done to me but I am starting to realize that my mom was young and nobody was helping her take care of us; just her and I understand why she would always be drunk and high and it was because she was unhappy. I know my mom loves us to death, but I also know its not easy being a single parent taking care of two kids especially when you’re a young parent; and sometimes you just can’t deal with the life you have and getting high will make it all better. Till this day my mom is still going to prison for the same reasons and she still continues to be in an abusive relationship, she hasn't changed a bit since her first lesson you would think she would learn, but things just got worse. My mom became addicted to other drugs and didn't care about anything but her boyfriend and she thinks that we are all against her till this day. She continues to blame others for the life she has but in all honesty she can’t take responsibility for her own actions, She thinks that cause me and my brother are old enough to take care of my sister and pay bills that it doesn't affect us but it does and eventually we will grow hate towards her. I love my mom with all my heart I know she is not perfect and has her flaws but I do believe that she will snap out of it and grow up; I just hope it happens soon. Until then it’s a hard knock life for us….