Every afternoon when I was 12 years old, I nearly leapt down the bus stairs and crashed through the door. Tossing my backpack onto the floor, I’d grab a bag of baked Doritos and immediately turn on the TV as if there was urgent news. There was Ned, tangled up in yet another love triangle situation between two girls. I watched back to back episodes of Ned dealing with insane teachers, school bullies, and school picture day. His complicated life easily captivated my 12 year old mind.

Hours flew by without notice, and I was only reminded of how late it was when I heard the garage door announcing my dad’s arrival from work. Instantly, I straightened my body and fumbled with the remote control to switch the channel to something like the History Channel. If I didn’t, my dad would sometimes bark at me to sit up because he’d find me sprawled across the carpet in an awkward position.

After dinner, running upstairs on all fours, I’d sit cross-legged at my desk while attempting another algebra worksheet while chatting with six friends at the same time. With practice, I became skilled at multitasking like this. Gmail made it so easy; as soon as I pressed enter, my response immediately appeared in the chatbox like magic, and our responses were arranged on opposite sides as if it were a real life conversation. I had just discovered various emoticons and text abbreviations that made me feel grown up, as if I was in on some secret. Whenever I heard that “bloop” from someone responding, I immediately forgot about what “x” equaled, dropped my pencil, and proceeded to continue the conversation.

Me: Heyyy ?
Anna: What’s up? :D
Me: Nm, hbu?
Anna: Same. Ahh Lee Min Ho from Boys Over Flowers is so cute <3
Me: Yup yup ;)
Anna: He’s mine tho
Me: Lol whatevs

If high school life could be described with just one word, it would be chaotic. Just the other day I found myself wishing that I could be mesmerized by the charms of technology again, just to escape all the pressures and responsibilities of high school. I dashed from tennis practice, legs still aching from all the “suicides”, to a clarinet lesson where I struggled with a six accidental key signature. By the time I got home and was ready to tackle the mountain of homework looming ahead, it was already 7pm. Although I had productive intentions for the night, I hadn’t put myself in the best position to do so.

While I attempted to outline a chapter for biology, I had multiple tabs open on Google Chrome including Facebook and my two email accounts. I had just finished typing my heading and creating my first bullet point when suddenly, I heard that “ding” telling me I received an email. I felt relieved to get away from the outline and check my inbox, but of course it was just another message from so-and-so University telling me about their wonderful programs and how much they want me to come. Darn. I returned to my homework, and after two bullet points, I heard another “bloop” coming from my Facebook account. Immediately, my senses perked and I quickly switched tabs. Stephanie posted pictures of her two prom dress choices in the group chat, and I spent a solid 5 minutes defending the red dress because of its mysterious color gradient, its waist definition, and how it would complement her pale complexion. Oops, back to biology. Bored with homework and distracted by the multiple “bloops” in the background coming from the Facebook chat, I gave up and resumed multiple conversations with other people.

Me: Ughh do we have a match on Monday?
Wendy: Yep T_T
Me: Whyy????
Wendy: Ikr? All the teachers put their hw assignments right before vacation…imma die nowww
Me: Lol we’ll survive…mb…

Wendy: Haven’t even strted English project o_O
Me: Hahahah same :/

Wendy: No idea wut I’m doin #procrastinationftw
Me: ^tru life.

What was I doing right now? Since I already wasted this much time, I might as well watch some videos of two men breaking open a watermelon using rubber bands and a French braid hair tutorial, even though I don’t like braiding my hair. How did I get here anyways? It was already 10pm, and even though I had been initially determined to push through my work, I somehow distracted myself into avoiding it. Frustrated and annoyed at myself, I wondered how I wasted so much time when I knew that I couldn’t afford to. What was wrong with me?

I became curious as to why I was so tempted by technology when I always felt determined to accomplish my work. I started talking to some friends and googling information, and apparently it’s not just laziness on my part. Whenever I open an email, message, or text, my brain gets a hit of dopamine, the chemical that makes me feel pleasure. Naturally, whenever I hear a “bloop” telling me that I have a new message, I feel compelled to open and respond to it because my brain wants to be rewarded with more dopamine. Without recognizing the effects of technology on my brain, it was easy to get sucked into social media in the same way I was so easily captivated by TV and chatting in middle school. Now that I’m aware of how my brain responds to technology, I often adjust my surroundings and my computer settings to keep myself focused. I know that my brain is helpless to the sounds of incoming messages, so my phone is on silent, and there are no social media tabs open. Sure, I’m more careful about using technology at the appropriate times and in moderate amounts, but I can’t say that I don’t sometimes feel tempted to open up Facebook and talk more about prom dresses instead of typing my biology homework. Technology provides me with so many benefits for communication, entertainment, and obtaining information, but as a result of all these advantages, I have to struggle in a life-long effort to prevent this technology from taking control away from me.

A couple days ago, I Skyped my grandparents in China for the first time in what seemed like forever. My little brother sat on my lap and my dad was beside me. On the screen, my grandma spoke enthusiastically about the neighbor’s kids while grandpa calmly read the paper behind her on a bed. After cooling down about chubby Qi-Qi who’s taking her high school exams, grandma remembered to ease into our usual small talk.

“How is everything going? A lot of schoolwork?” My grandma asked in rapid Mandarin.

I nodded my head. “Yes, of course,” I responded. “But it’s not that bad.”

On my lap, my brother nearly hit me when he jerked dad’s iphone, trying to get Mario to stay on the right track. I nudged my brother to take his eyes off the game, wondering how he will balance technology with his life in the future.