It was January. The month that high school theater groups from across the state came together to meet and to attend actor workshops. It was a Thespian Conference. My first. I had been nervous because I’d never met so many people before who all did the same thing that I did. I at least wanted to make one friend. Maybe be able to talk to a couple of people. I’d been preparing for a month for this Conference, packing and making sure I had everything and going over the homework that I’d miss during those days off. I was physically ready, but my mentality wasn’t. I mean, I was excited that I got to stay in a hotel for three days and I got really good food each day, but it was the point of meeting people that made me nervous. Even on the bus ride from the school, downtown, made me nervous.
  The streets were lined with grey slush from snow that had fallen just the previous day, causing our bus to be an hour late to the introduction into the Thespian Conference. It was cold and all I had was a thin pea coat, boots I’d used recently for a Cosplay and super thin socks. But it was nice and warm inside the building, full of kids my age, running around with their bags, and grown up chaperones, looking around for their group of children that they had lost. They were frantic. I didn’t pay any attention to the whole debacle as I followed my own group down the hall and into an elevator. We found our rooms and settled in before getting ready for the first workshop of our choice. My first choice was a screenwriting workshop, so as I traveled up flights of stairs, unbeknownst to me, you had to have signed up previously for the workshop and have brought in a script. As I sat down, the man came in and took a once over at the people in the room. It was me, another older man who was with a young girl who was holding a script in her hand. He smiled at me and asked, “Are you sure you’re in the right room? This is for students who’ve already produced and printed a script…”
I felt like an idiot and it was probably one of the most embarrassing moments in my life. First day in and I’d already made myself look like a fool. I knew my face was red as it could get.
  I stood up, apologized quickly, grabbed my map and my activities sheet and went back down the stairs and back down to the main lobby, where a giant, Rockefeller-esque Christmas tree stood, shooting up past the marble stairs that led down the cafe. I sighed and kept walking past it, feeling like an idiot still. I walked around the hotel rooms twice to see if any of the workshops had openings. All of them were full and all I had was twenty dollars, my map, my activities sheet and my phone. Plus, I was by myself, so I’m sure that I would have looked like a lonely idiot, just wandering around. So I gave up and plopped down on a bench for a few minutes, just to stare at the beautiful Christmas tree. It’s ornaments were huge. Red and shining, so shining that you could see your own reflection in it. I leaned forward and began to make faces into the ornaments before people started staring. I was bored.
I got back up and wandered around the hotel. I thought about wasting all my twenty bucks on the Starbucks that was tucked away in a little niche near the entrance. I’d been in there early that morning. Six in the morning to be precise. There had been a cute barista there, but other than that, there was nothing worth going in there for. Coffee always took too long to cool down and I was didn’t want a frozen coffee because I was already cold enough. So I just circled the hotel. But then I saw Tayler, my future friend who would make me look differently at friendships, wandering around too, wearing a Iron Man 3 shirt, scrolling through her phone, her phone adorned in the coolest Supernatural case I’d ever seen. I instantly wanted to talk to her, but I was so nervous. What should I say? What should I do? Would it be really weird if I just walked up to her and said “Hi! I really like your shirt and your phone case. I’m a huge Marvel fan!”? I am not a good social talker and it takes me forever to make an intelligent sentence without rambling on with random words thrown in as well as fidgeting. In my mind it would have been weird, but knowing her now, she was as scared to come talk to me as I was!
  I pushed my fears and worries back because I needed to make a friend. I needed to make a friend who understood everything that I did. Someone who felt the same feelings as me with topics and subjects such as movies, tv shows, and social anxiety. So I gathered my courage and walked right up to her and introduced myself, commenting on her shirt and her phone case. She smiled, shyly at me and pointed to my shirt saying “I really like your shirt too. I’m a huge Star Trek fan.”  
Soon after, we broke the nervous barrier and began to talk and start to relate to one another. It was amazing. She liked everything I did, I liked everything she did. She listened to me, unlike other people that I wish would at least give my words a second thought. She actually listened and respected my opinion and within the first hour, we were already engaged in a friendly debate of who was better: Professor X or Magneto. It was an even tie. She introduced me into more movies and things to watch and we had so much fun! And it turns out that she hadn’t been able to find a session that really piqued her interest and was just waiting for the “Stage Sword Fighting” to open up, the one that I had been heading to right after the failed screenwriting blunder.
The other two days we were there, I hung around her as much as I could, which was hard, but we managed. On the last day, she told me that after this she was moving back to her hometown in Virginia and I was pretty upset about that. I had found the most perfect friend and she was moving away? So far away? So we exchanged phone numbers and emails and on the last day, we hugged and said our goodbyes.
People say that romantic long distance relationships don’t seem to last. But let me tell you, friendships over a long distance work great. We never stopped talking since the last time we saw each other. And the more I got to know her, the more amazing of a friend she became. But the real test of friendship came when one night my family broke into a fight. There was yelling, mostly from me and my sister, crying, and slamming doors. When I left, I ultimately felt like the whole fiasco was my fault. That I’d caused the fight. That I made everyone upset and that I even made my mom cry. And my mom never cries. So I was a mess. I felt guilty and sick about the fight I’d started. I was laying in my room when I grabbed my phone and poured my heart and soul out to Tayler, which was something new for us. We’d never really been that in depth about our friendship. At least not yet. So I sent the text and waited. Not even in five minutes, there was a double buzz coming from my phone. I braced myself for the dreaded “Kay. Sorry.” But when I unlocked my phone and read the message, I cried even harder. She had sent an equally long paragraph telling me that it was okay and that it wasn’t my fault and I shouldn’t feel bad. That everything was going to be okay. And then she continued to tell me about her own problems and we spent the whole night talking about our problems and how we always had each other’s backs if anything ever went wrong. And we’ve never stopped talking. Even as I’m writing this, I’m texting her and laughing and sharing things about my day with her. And if that’s not a good friend, I don’t know what is.
To lose Tayler, who I’ve grown so close to already within just short of a year…I’d never want to lose her. That would just be h*ll. I’ve told her everything and confided in her with everything and she’s done it right back. I’ve never been so close to someone who’s my age, like this. Usually it’s hard for me to relate to people my age because they’re into all this hip, new music or new fad, or the “new” way to talk and some of them are fake and looking to fit in while some of them are just rude and some of them are nice, but there’s nothing in common when we talk. It’s hard to find an intelligent friend who’s my age, who can also understand what it’s like being this young. Usually it’s easier for me to talk to older people because they’re usually more mature and they’re easier to hold a conversation with. But it’s not always as fun as I’d like it to be. The age gap is a huge problem, seeing as we would have different problems going on in life. One of my older friends, who’s also a close friend of my mom’s, can’t get married to his partner because he’s gay and I can’t get a date! He’s out of a job, I can’t seem to get a job. Of course they sound similar when I talk about them, but it’s really hard trying to relate to someone who’s older than you.
So when I finally found that “perfect” friend, I couldn’t be happier. And each day we learn more and more about each other. Of course, friendships isn’t all rainbows and ponies and cotton candy. Its got its dark side to it. That dark side with the secrets and the sob stories is the real test of friendship. It tests the strength two people have to share secret information with each other and to accept their baggage and for them to accept yours. My best friend revealed to me that she was actually very depressed and her home life was less than ideal. She usually lived with her grandparents instead of with her family. I understood that as soon as she told me what her home life was like. Then, she told me that on numerous accounts she had harmed herself. She always came to me when her times got rough and her thoughts were sinking and she was thinking of hurting herself again. About three times that I was trying to coax her out of her doubtful thinking of life, she relayed to me that if she hadn’t have met me, she would have had many more scars on herself, or she might have even been dead. That was sobering. I’ve never had that much impact on a friend before, but now…I’d been the root cause of this girl’s will to not hurt herself. I was overjoyed. She rarely ever told me her feelings or revealed deep emotions. And this has only happened twice. That time and then just recently. We were texting and she sent me this:
“Wow I just got through with this Rachel's challenge thing and wow that was painful and since I made a promise to the people I just have to say that even though we haven't known each other for that long that you've really made a huge impact on my life. This probably sounds all emotional and s*** but you're by far my best friend and I don't know what I would do if I hadn't met you that day, at the con. so there.”
I was overwhelmed and nearly cried in class. Soon after my response, she said this:

“I've just never met anyone who gets me as well as you do and I just want to make sure you know that I really cherish our friendship and legitly smile every time I'm talking to you. I don't get emotional much but serious stuff like this just makes me glad that you're okay and that I'm okay and that we have each other.”
That meant the world to me. Not in the course of the time that we’ve been friends has she ever truly expressed how she felt about our friendship. No one has ever told me that before and the feeling that one gets when you know that you meant something to someone…that has got to be the most amazing feeling in the universe…You’d never want to lose that person.
Now when you think about it, older people are always telling you that “Oh you’ll get better friends” in college. “You’ll find a better groups of people, don’t worry.” And I’m always listening to my aunts, uncles and my mom and dad about their views on friendship and they said that the friends you have in high school don’t really stay with you throughout your life and it scares me. I met some of my closest friends in high school, whether they were near or far away. I don’t want to lose them. They’ve become a part of my life and if I lose that part, I’m left with a hole in that part of my life. I could lose the people that I held close to my heart. Which is strange because I’m not one to throw the word “love” around much when it comes to friends. I usually use it for family members. So when I think of the friends that I love and care for...it’s strange to think that I may not even know them in the future. They could disappear from my peripheral view as I go into the future and start my new life as an adult and go into college. Some friends I don’t want to leave, even if they’re not always there and available to talk. Knowing that I have them there makes me feel like at least someone cares about me. Though, I’m scared that I will lose some of the closest people in my heart and it just terrifies me to my core. To some of these people, I’ve poured my feelings out and they’ve responded and they’ve told me that “Hey I’m there for you.”, but what happens when they disappear? Do they still carry my secrets and my life with them and only remember that as a relic of a long term friendship fling in high school? Losing Tayler would leave me feeling alone and empty. Yes, I’ve got my family, but family is different. I’ll always love them unconditionally and I can’t really lose my family. But with friends, you can cut ties just as quickly as you make them. It’s frightening to think that it’s that easy to lose someone who had been with you through the toughest times. I’m going to try as hard as I can to not lose Tayler. She’s supported me and been there for me and to lose her, part of my heart would crumble.