I wish I could convince you that this isn’t one of those stories, and that I am not one of those people. You probably would not believe me, and would be right to do so. I do not have a fine excuse for every done deed. It is my opinion that I do not need any.

Honestly, I think you are amazing. I am in love with you and all the little things you do. I know we are nothing like Romeo and Juliet, but even the way you drink your coffee knocks me the f*** out. I mean I watch you move and I cannot think straight. I am not just a hopeless romantic, I am a hopeless romantic with a dirty mind and high standards. I could be yours at two in the morning and at two in the afternoon the following day. I could kiss you where it hurts and until it hurts. Our bodies could be skin on skin; and I’d still pull you closer. I think I am exactly what you need. You need someone who knows how to turn you on and how to treat you right at the same time. Someone worth more than usual, even if it’s a little bit. Because you deserve the best.
That being said, even if you do still decide to stay with her – I would probably still think you’re great. Hell, I’d probably still adore you with your hands around my neck. Well, I did the last time I checked. My problem is that even when I hate you; I love you. And when I love you, oh god, I love you.

You know, the truth is – I did not expect to get this attached to you. About a year ago – never in a million years would I have thought things would turn out this way. Don’t get me wrong – I like where I am now. But honestly, I would rather have stayed where we stood before. The problem with being just friends is that I have to watch you be with someone else who doesn’t deserve you when I could do you so much better.
I did not want you to be very agreeable – I wish you would have saved me the trouble of liking you a great deal. Yet, you were. You still are. You must expect that you will always be too much of something for someone: too big, too loud, too soft, or too edgy. But darling, if you round out your edges, you lose your edge.  And to be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the single greatest accomplishment.

Do you want to know what I want? Besides being accountable for zero responsibilities and owning a lot of lingerie; I want you to come back and kiss me some more. I shall kiss you back so hard that you will never be able to get the taste of me out of your mouth. Also, you make me smile, and super happy – but that’s not the point.

Call me self-centered, but I think that somewhere inside of you – I am there. Somewhere between liking me and loving me and everything in the middle; you got scared. The tingling and the butterflies terrified you. You didn’t know what could or couldn’t have happened. And maybe you longed for some familiar feeling, and maybe that’s what you found in her. I may be crazy but I think I meant a little more to you than just meaningless hugs and empty feelings. I think that eventually you are going to have to be okay with the fact that I do make your stomach flip and your heart skip. Eventually, you’ll realize that that is the best feeling in the world.

I know you; you need someone who is prepared for a million seemingly pointless questions. Someone who can smile alongside your endless, uncontrollable laughs, your random text messages, your musical outbursts and random dance moves. A person who can withstand your family issues and get along with your friends. Someone with your kind of imagination. All I am saying is – that could be me.

I do want to make it happen. I want to shock everyone. But it is impossible to make you fall in love with me. After all – some things are not ours to be tampered with. I am well aware about your feelings towards her. That is why, as you know, pictures of perfection make me sick and wicked.

Becoming a cold hearted b**** wasn’t really part of the plan, but oh well; here I am. If I die right now, my only regret in life would be that I didn’t tell enough people to f*** off. I am not much of a good person anymore. Maybe I never was. In fact, that is what people say.

People also keep saying that it hurts at night and apparently screaming into your pillow at 3 AM is the romantic equivalent of being heartbroken. But for me, sometimes it is 9 AM on a Tuesday morning – and I am standing at the kitchen bench waiting for the toast to pop open – and the smell of dusty sunlight and earl gray tea makes me miss you so much that I do not know what to do with my hands.

Now that I think about it - you may not be as good as I make you out to be. I do admit that I put you on a pedestal. Whatever may be; you need to realize that you are better than your insecurities. You don’t know how lovely you are. You think you don’t matter. You think that you are just one more person in the world akin to everyone else. What you disregard in a moment’s time is that even if you are just one person to the world, to one person you may mean the world. You mean the world to me.

Your fingers send electricity through my veins, and even when you are high at 6 PM you still have the cosmos in your bones. This makes me wonder; why the f*** did you ever think you were ordinary? Then, again – what a treacherous thing to believe that a person is more than a person.

But the important thing is, whether you are human or not, I will take care of you. If we are hanging out, and you get sleepy – I will let your drool on my arm, and I will not laugh at you even if you snore very loud. If you punch someone and bruise your knuckles – I would ice your hands, and just like the cold that is harsh and burning; I could always be the warmth to soothe you

Of course I want you. I mean have you met you? You are so little and cute – like a flower. I do realize that that is a very girly comparison. But dammit, I am a girl. And you do so much for everyone. I hope you do realize that you are not superman. But you make me proud. I am honestly – so proud of you. If you are ever proud of me and say ‘that’s my girl’ I can guarantee that my heart will melt into a little puddle of happiness.
I think that everything I want is a little more than I can get. But I chose to be cautiously optimistic here and think that everything I want is coming. I am just going to relax and let universe pick up the timing and the way. I plan on holding onto whatever I find; anything that will get me through. I shall put my faith in a person who once told me that ‘good things come to those who wait.’

This however does not mean that I am unhappy right now. I like where we are now. It is like I put my arms around your neck, pull you close to me, and you are kissing me hard and so deep and I am flying, sailing, soaring … And at that moment it is every bell for miles, and miles is ringing at once, loud and clanging, and then there are hungry rings, and tiny, happy and chiming ones. All of them sounding off in this one moment.
Before I take a step back and admit that I am being ridiculous and that it is not humanly not possible to feel this way about a person – I shall tell you that you take my breath away. It is in this point in time that I should note that I find that breath is of little consequence. You are the finest, loveliest and most gorgeous person I have ever known – and even that is an understatement.