I wish I was a different person, no I don't, yes I do... | Teen Ink

I wish I was a different person, no I don't, yes I do...

January 8, 2015
By Anonymous

I experienced something called OCD through one stage of my childhood and I thought I was really mental, I was worried that if I checked or do these little things, something bad will happen, like my family getting sick and dying, or me getting raped or something like that.
I do the craziest things that made me get irritated me till no end, but I couldn't stop myself.
It mostly happened when I went to bed, I would check the cupboards, at the top and at the bottom, touch the blinds at my window and then peer out my window (looking for witches, because I had just read Roald Dahl’s book, the Witches) I was scared all the time and then when I had finally finished my routine, (yes, it became a routine) , I would pick out my duvet cover and stare at the walls and make rectangles, I would draw big crosses with my mind and then I felt that if anything happened to my family, I would know it was my fault,  so I would draw more lines connecting the crosses together and would finally make a rectangle.  If I saw a specific letter, I will draw a box around it and separate it from the other letters.
I touch the things in way that I was stoking it, I even couldn't get into a good book because I would touch the pages and still stoke it, I was obsessed! I couldn't stop.
At night, I would praying like in my mind, I’d repeat myself and say to please not let something bad happen to anyone, I still get like that, but I've learned to not get too carried away.
I hated being like this, I would also think that if I didn't say sorry to things, then they would get back at me, even non-living things. My mother finally helped me over-come it, and I am definitely done with it, but I still do the mind things like the letters, and the rectangles and sometimes the over obsessive praying.
I hope I never become that person again. It is irritating and awful and I hope none of you did what I did and went in so much pain.


The author's comments:

OCD is difficult to work with and I hated every second of and I still do somethings, like washing my hands a lot. Share your experiances if you ever suffered like I did. ;)


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