It's like trying to keep your head above water, but the more you do stuff you just sink lower, and lower, to where you feel as if you're drowning, and the only way to stop yourself from drowning is by giving yourself relief. So you look for relief, to help you. Self harm is what i'm explainging. Whether it's cutting, burning, or any other piercing pain. It gives you that relief. The way the sadness is like a drug to you, makes you sick. You wanna constanly cry and shout out for help, but you don't cause you're scared of what'll happen, but that could be your relief to stop drowning, but you know you'll never use it.

Since I was 10 years old, i've been a self harmer, and it's difficult. The constant fear of getting made fun of cause of the cuts and scars, and people having pity on you. When I was little, I was the happiest little girl ever! Then everything went down hill, my parents were divorcing and my grandpa passed away, and my mother was blaming me for a majority of it. Then thats when it all started. I started wearing long sleeve shirts and jeans all the time, even in summer!

By the time I was 13, my parents started to notice my strange behavior. The way I walked slowley around the house, didn't hang with any friends, and spending all my time in my bedroom. They decided to take me to a counselor, because they thought I was still upset about the divorce. 6 months after the counselor, they discovered my scars and cuts. They tried to get me to talk, but I refused.

By the time I was 15, I hadn't cut in 2 months. Then I became stressed and my depression hit and I tried my hardest to resist the urge, but it calls to you. Begging you and it drives you insane. So I started up again. My parents never found out because I acted happy. I never wanted my parents to still think they had a messed up child. A few months later, i told my self nothing is wrong with me, and that this was not the way to deal with it. I started drawing and exercising every time I felt an urge, and it worked!

I am proud to say that I am now 16 and haven't done any self harm in almost 5 months. I know it doesn't seem like that much or that long, but to me it is. And yes, that urge is still there sometimes, but after 5 years, I now know how to deal with it. So i've finally stopped myself from drowning, and I hope that soon, I find the shore.