“I’m done”

I said this to the one person I should never give up on. That person and I had been through a lot together; distance, court, jobs anything you could think of. But I said I’m done because of a stupid reason. At the moment of the words fell out of my mouth everything changed. Regret hit right away. The room itself became smaller and felt it like everything just failed. The room was cold and muggy by that point and time. Thoughts went through my head, but I push the thoughts to the side because I didn’t want to believe I cared about it, and I really wasn’t bothered that much by what I just said.

This keeps coming back to into my thoughts. I tell myself that I don’t care about what I have done so try to do something like I did before so I don’t regret what I have done. Things go on, but the regret doesn’t go away, so my mind goes in all different ways. I did stupid things and more people get hurt.

The more I try to push my thoughts to the side, things become worse with me and that person. The person begins to hate me and think I just a screw-up. I am a mess up. The comment comes up almost every time we talk. I regret more and more of what I have said and done.  We start to talk about what things were said, and why we both hurt from what we both did when we try to work it out. We fight more and more. We are different from each other but at the same time we are too much alike.

We stop talking for so long and the hard part is we still see each other. We make eye contact. The room becomes cold and dark; you can feel the anger between us and the pain we have caused each other. The other people that have to deal with us are also getting hurt because this isn’t the normal thing between us. Things become worse between us, and it seems to become worse. In every room we see each other, you can just feel the anger between us. Then I say it again in a different fight.

“I’m done”

At that point we look at each other and think say no that’s not true. We will always be in each other’s life. Yes, this person isn’t the best person in the world. They have bad days and good days. But we both know we will never really be done with each other. But that happens when you’re family.