It's been 51 days since we broke up. 51 days since I've felt truly alive. I still constantly think about the way you said I love you and how you looked when you were really sleepy. I think about your messy hair and how you'd never do it on the days that you really wanted to see me. I think about your singing in the car and how I couldn't help but think about how incredibly lucky I was to have someone as great as you. I think about the times when we were all alone in my room listening to music and we just slow danced to whatever song came on, fast or slow. I still think about that snowy day where we just put on our warmest clothes and walked around my neighborhood holding hands and sharing random embarassing stories. I still think about how much bigger your hand was than mine when we held them together. But now, now that it's been 51 days... I've noticed how you didn't talk to me a lot. We talked, but we never really communicated. You rarely asked how I was, and when you did you didn't seem to care that much about what the outcome was. You would get annoyed with me really easily. I've noticed how I always apologized for something I didn't do. I've noticed how much I sacrificed and how much I was going to give up for you to keep our relationship alive. We didn't hold hands much in public. The singing became quieter. You didn't want to dance to the song that was playing. It's been 51 days... and it may take 51 more... but I will feel truly alive again. Watch me.