I hate peanut butter.  The vile, paste-like substance has a way of gluing one’s mouth shut to a point where you almost choke on it.  I cannot even begin to fathom how one can find it appealing.  As I scooped a heaping spoonful of the salty goop onto my plate, I struggled to believe what I was about to do: was I actually going to eat peanut butter?

Every choice a teenager makes while in high school is often analyzed and criticized.  From what one wears to what one eats, there is no safe decision.  Teenagers struggle with wanting to feel “normal” and to be accepted.  Unfortunately, while on this journey to normality, many forget whom they actually are.  The obsession with acceptance leads people to suppress the person they truly are by conforming to a general idea or normal, but nothing is worth giving up your true self.

Peanut butter and a banana: the “cool” choice of lunch.  I could eat whatever I wanted for lunch, as long as a blob of peanut butter and an under-ripe banana sat on my tray as well.
For some unknown reason, this was the rule in order to sit with the other sophomore girls at lunch.  For most of my freshman year, I had been exiled from this elite cult.  By ignoring the rule, I had allowed myself to be shunned.  I wanted a change.  This desire to be accepted fueled my conformity to food choices.  I did what I had to do to be liked, and I’m not necessarily proud of it.

This was it, the moment of my decision.  Am I actually going to go through with this?  Is sitting with these girls really worth it?  These thoughts uncontrollably raced through my mind as I peeled back the smooth skin of the banana.  I picked up my knife and sliced it up, feeling more nauseous with each cut I made. Placing a small amount of the hardened gunk onto my banana slice, I struggled to make my final decision.  Do I eat this?  I ate it.  Instantly regretting my decision once tasting it, I nearly gagged as I forced down the dry, crusty peanut butter.   I did it, I found a way to be accepted in the cut-throat world that is high school.

Day after day, I continued to eat the peanut butter/banana combination.  I grew more unaware of the taste each day until eating it seemed like second nature.  I had convinced myself that I actually enjoyed eating peanut butter.  It did not happen over night, but I no longer dreaded the thought of lunch.  By numbing myself to the pain of peanut butter, I had become “happy”.  However, I did not realize what I had given up: my freedom to chose the foods that I wanted.  By convincing myself that I liked eating peanut butter, I relinquished my individuality among my food preferences. 

Like myself, teenagers often feel lost and confused, and just want a way to fit in.  Often times, teens sacrifice a large part of themselves for the sake of being accepted, whether this be personal beliefs, clothing choices, or even choices of food.  Giving up these major parts of oneself sacrifices one’s individuality, thus leaving us with a society of clones.  Picture a private school in which the students must wear uniforms: this is conformity.  Although wearing a uniform may be an easy option—the student does not need to go through the hassle of choosing a daily outfit—however, this still suppresses their individuality.  In a world where everyone must act, dress, and essentially be the same way, there is no room for new ideas to prosper.  Innovations occur when one idea is challenged, and without differences there can be no challenges.  If everyone were the same, our world would be quite boring because we would be at a stand-still, never moving forward with great ideas.  Teens need to choose to be unique, it is the only way to save whom they truly are.  When I was in high school, I gave up my values in order to appease my peers, which is a regret that I will always have to live with.  I gave up the characteristics that made me special and unique.  At the time, I did not understand how valued being unique is.

What took years for me to realize was how illogical my conformity had been: why should I have cared about the opinion of a group of whiny girls?  Peanut butter is utterly repulsive, I should not have forced myself to eat it, but rather I should have chosen the food that I enjoyed.  The problem was that I was too afraid to eat, for example, jelly with my banana.  Although some may find that combination odd and may not understand it, it was something I enjoyed, therefore I should have openly expressed my love of it.  I feared being ridiculed for my choices, so I chose the easy way out: I chose peanut butter instead of jelly.

Looking back on my early teen years, I am ashamed of the choices I made.  I changed my values, likes, and appearance to such a great extent that I had a hard time determining what was me and what was just a product of high school.  I am embarrassed to say that I allowed the opinions of meaningless people to dictate years of my life.  Although only a few years have passed since I sat at that lunch table, I know that I am no longer that awkward, insecure girl.  I am still in the process of discovering who I truly am, and I do not expect to find the answer any time soon.  One thing that I know for certain is that I will never be tempted to eat peanut butter again.  For now, at least, I am going to stick with jelly.