The concerned looking child with an arm around their frail, elderly parent on the cover of the booklet about heart surgery. The little old man glancing sadly at his grandchildren playing from the kitchen window on the FAQ page about getting a pacemaker. I know the majority of people that need cardiac related things are older, but it’s hard when every single thing written is from the point of view of ‘as your body ages…' . As though I need a reminder that I’m unusually young for all of this. As though thinking those very same words when I see someone in their 40’s walking out of my cardiologist’s office, then remembering that I myself am 20 so odd  years younger than they are. It’s challenging sometimes, and not just because of the symptoms that come along with the disease.
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                  The heart is like an engine. Everyone's heart beats at about the same rate, but each heart is specific to the host. The human heart is located in the middle of the thorax but slightly to the left. The left ventricle is slightly larger than the right so it takes up more space in the left side of the thorax and therefore makes the left lung smaller. The heart is part of the circulatory system and is a powerful muscular sac that pumps blood around the body through blood vessels by repeated contractions. The heart on average beats 72 beats per minute (BPM). Blood travels from the heart via arteries then to the capillaries, which deliver oxygen to all organs in the body, then back up to the heart via the veins. The heart runs like a car, sending fuel and oil to the parts that need it, and making sure every part works together in a precise order.
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The wind is blowing through my fingers as my hand is out the window. I feel as free as a bird, limitless. Shifting, from one gear to another gaining speed as the knob slides from one spot to the next. The memories that come with driving cars, and the feeling I get when going racing are the best feelings that I can ever have. I feel as if the times when I get to jump in the car and drive are the only times that I can truly be at peace. Once I get behind the wheel I can get away from all of my problems. I can escape from reality and the truth that comes with it. Cars and trucks have always been my escape to the real world. I’ve always loved to get in the car and drive, away, away from everything.
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I knew there was something wrong. Usually when you work out your heart races and you're short of breath. I know because that’s how I feel when we have to run suicides for volleyball practice, or when I clean a weight that is brand new to me. However, when you're walking or simply sitting and your heart starts to race and beat extremely hard and your breath shortens, that is not normal. It happened a few times and I just brushed it off because it had to be that I was growing or stressed or something in the simple matters of that area. As the weeks went on and it began to happen more and more I thought that it was time to talk to my Mom. I told her what I was feeling and she immediately became concerned. She then told me that it was time that we took a visit to a cardiologist to see if they could see what was happening. We made an appointment for the next day because my mom said it was important that we got in as soon as we could, however I did not see the importance of why we had to go in immediately after I just began to feel these sensations. As we arrived at the hospital I was very calm because I thought that he would tell me that I was stressed and it would go away with time. My idea was not anywhere close to what I was actually about to be told.
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The heart is capable of feeling many things along with performing many functions. Along with being healthy and performing these functions it can also have disabilities. Such as Ventricular Tachycardia. Ventricular tachycardia is a fast heart rhythm that starts in the lower part of the heart (ventricles). If left untreated, some forms of ventricular tachycardia may get worse and lead to ventricular fibrillation, which can be life-threatening. Ventricular tachycardia is a fast but regular rhythm. It can lead to ventricular fibrillation, which is fast and irregular. With ventricular fibrillation, the heartbeats are so fast and irregular that the heart stops pumping blood. Ventricular fibrillation is a leading cause of sudden cardiac death.
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I love to drive, even if I have no destination. I get in my car and go, no matter if i’m alone or am able to have a friend with me to fill the empty space with long conversations. I roll the windows down no matter what the weather could be like. Sun, wind, snow, or rain, I love the feeling of freedom that comes as the wind blows on my face and past my hair that has been tied up. I turn up the music that matches my heart's inner monologue. When i'm out on the road the toughest decision that I can make is whether to listen to the radio or the sweet rumble of my exhaust.
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“Alexis Mabey”, I heard my name called and I knew it was our time to go and see the doctor. When we got in our room I met my doctor, who recently has become my friend over these past few months and is my main cardiologist. He told me that I needed to get undressed and put on the gown that was sitting on the window seal. I proceeded to do that and when he came back in the room he brought a machine with patches and wires hanging from a monitor that looked like an old television set. He told me that he was going to put these stickers all over my chest and back and then apply a warm gel so the scanner could glide across my skin. When he finished with the scan he told my mom and I he would go look at the results and he would be back with us shortly. When he got back in the room he told us that he would like to place a monitor on my chest to track my heart rate over the next 3 weeks. He said it was simple, I stick this bulky looking thing over my heart and all I had to do was push the button on the front when I felt an “episode” happen. So, I did just that and it was actually pretty simple.
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The heart is an amazing machine. Not only is it capable of controlling actions but physically communicates with the brain and the rest of the body as well. The communication pathways, which originate in the heart, travel through the emotional memory section of the brain and go all the way to the top of the brain responsible for thinking and reasoning. The heart is also a hormonal organ. Among other hormones, it produces one which is labeled by some as the "balancing hormone," because it contributes to the balancing of other hormones. This same hormone can facilitate the reduction or increase of stress hormones. The heart may also be responsible for the production of hormones that cause strong feeling of love and sadness.
                                                        
Most of the time when I am driving, I am unsure of where I am going, I just drive to drive. Up where I live is the ideal area for a midnight drive. I know most people want to get away from home when they leave but the long weaving canyons and empty roads where you can't see anything but the shining stars above you are what I like to call my home. Driving aimlessly can clear a weary soul and fill an empty heart; you just have to see it in a way that can change your life forever. Sometimes driving with a person who is special to you makes the drive even more perfect than it ever could have been. One of my favorite things is driving with you. I love to drive with you, your eyes dilating when you look at me just as the vessels do in my heart. It beats, and at certain moments in time i'm sure it beats for you.
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We sent the monitor back in when the three weeks were over, and within the next few days we got a call from my doctor saying I needed to see him as soon as possible. My mom and I went back into the hospital the next day and my doctor started talking about complicated terms with my Mom. When they both looked at me I knew at that very moment it wasn’t just stress. He then told me that I had a heart condition called “Ventricular Tachycardia”. This means my heart works at least twice as much as the normal heart. He said that heart rate is controlled by electrical signals sent across the heart tissues. Tachycardia occurs when an abnormality in the heart produces rapid electrical signals. In some cases, tachycardias may cause no symptoms or complications. However, tachycardias can seriously disrupt normal heart function, increase the risk of stroke, or cause sudden cardiac arrest or death. This was the scariest thing that anyone has ever told me in my whole life.
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Hormones can cause you to have strong emotions for people of items. For example, Oxytocin is in action when a mother feeds and tends her child. Compassion, caring, love, appreciation, gratitude, forgiveness and other behaviors that are the fabric of our family and society, may have a lot to do with how well the heart is functioning at the physical, emotional, mental and spiritual levels. The heart can cause us to be attached to certain things and be at ease when we achieve certain responsibilities. Human beings are intricate creatures that are made up of many organs that each have their own job and unique responsibility. Indeed, if one organ were not present the whole body would be useless.
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Everyone needs driving in their lives, and not just the kind that gets you from point A to point B. I’m talking about the kind where you leave at night and forget all about school the next morning, the kind where you get lost in the sweet sound of nothing as you go through unfamiliar territory. You have to live now, dream now, stop waiting for Friday and do it now. I've gained so many great experiences from driving and I know there are many more to come. Being blessed with amazing things comes with the good and bad of life. Even if your engine breaks down in the process, you have to fix it and keep on driving.
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I’ve lived with ventricular tachycardia for about a year and a half now and it has been one of the hardest things i've ever dealt with. It’s hard to feel restricted sometimes, and it’s even harder when I have to tell someone I am not able to do that because i'm “sick”.  I haven't told many people about my condition because I don’t want people to feel bad for me or talk to my heart condition rather than talking to me. I've hidden so much from the people I love and most of the time it's to spare the emotional pain that would come to them rather than me caring about the physical pain that I feel every day.
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My car has been with me through everything, through the good the bad. I can only return the favor when she fixes all my problems, the least I could do is fix all of hers. Going on a drive has been my escape as long as I can remember. My car has been there with me in the years between innocence and responsibility, it has seen my being in its rear view mirror, and the person I was meant to be stood in front of its bright night lights.
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Surgery could be in the near future because it becomes exhausting trying to fight my body all the time. It’s hard and sometimes I feel alone because nobody else understands what it feels like to know that at any second something awful could happen within my own body that I have no control over.  My blood pumps and my heart races, sometimes it's almost too fast to feel. My “calming” rhythm of a steady pulse is gone because it has been replaced by erratic beats.  However, I always try my best to not look at that side of the story, because I know that there is a better future for me and that nothing will hold me back from that. I’m not strong, brave, or a role model, I am nothing but an average girl whose “engine” runs a little bit off from everyone else's.