Having so many good and hurtful memories, is like feeling a constant ache in your heart, and you feel it no matter where you are. There’s no escaping what you don’t want to feel. I’m just searching through the memories and trying to find something worth staying happy for. I found it but I lost it, and it ruined me. I was always this happy girl but when I come home now, I know that he’s not there anymore and it hurts, so much; I just fill with hatred and anger. It hurts so much more than I thought it ever would, and I hate that it hurts me this much. Because I want to be the happy girl I remember but I’m so lost without him. I constantly ask myself why do I let this hurt me so much, and I could never come up with a answer because the more I thought about it, I knew I would end up crying, more than I should. Because he’s gone and he always will be, and I can never change that. I never realized I could miss something so much, until the day after when he was actually gone. I regret all the things that I never did with him, because that would have given me more memories to remember him by.

I lost my best friend, and I hate that he didn’t know that it was happening. That I woke up that morning knowing that I would never see him again. Because they took him that afternoon and left. I regret everything I never said and all the times I was ever mean to him. Because I feel like those are the things that, he’ll remember, and I hate that. I remember every time I had a bad day, I would go sit on my bed and he’d jump up there too, and he’d lay down and ruffle through my blankets, and when he found a comfy spot, I would just lay my head on his belly. Knowing that his fur and puppy smell would make me feel so much better. And when I would come out of my room, he’d be laying on the floor, and I would just come over and lay with him on the floor too, just being happy with his company. And when people say that I’ll move on, I know I will but I’ll always remember how sad it made me, when he was gone. I’ll always remember that he made a part of me light up, without me even knowing we were making memories.