I close my door and fall onto my bed in complete silence. I grab my ipod and start playing the song I feel connected me to him. It isn’t long till my jaw starts to ache and a headache starts ringing through my head. I decide to try to cry though I have never been good at it. I feel a wet streak roll down my cheek, then it feels like I’m drowning. I can't catch my breath and I start gasping and coughing. My cheeks are soaked but it won’t stop, I can hear footsteps creaking through the hall. My dad comes through the door and my mom soon after. I can feel myself being sat upright but I feel like lead.

“Honey, you should have called for us,” I hear my mom whisper as she holds onto me like if she lets go I might slip away back to where I was.

“We should’ve known you would do this, hide away and deal with this on your own. You did it with Tyson and Uncle Ken too.” My dad sighs as he rubs circles on my back like he did when I was little and upset. Why do I do this, when my family is right here waiting for me?

I wish I didn't remember it so clearly, but I do. I stepped off the bus and was immediately blinded by a wall of hair whipped across my face. My viola case attempted to knock me over as it was pushed into my side. My brother Ethan and I walked up the driveway while staring at the ground, bracing ourselves against the wind. As we walked up the driveway, Ethan kept dragging on about how a girl from his class wouldn't leave him alone. I remembered that Dad didn't go to work, he had gone to the nursing home before I was even up for school. There were two cars in the driveway and one of them was my dad’s. I didn't say anything to Ethan because he hadn’t noticed and I didn't want him to know I was worried... but he noticed.

“There are two cars home, that can't be good,” Ethan commented.

“He was at the nursing home, he wasn’t at work. Remember? He probably just came home for something to eat.”

“Oh yea!” Ethan smiled as he remembered.

I smiled a wobbly smile back at him, but turned away quickly. I knew what was inside the door waiting to bring our whole day crashing down.

I walked through the door before him, I didn't want him seeing mom and dad first. A big whiff of lasagna hit me as came in. I dropped my bag down by the chair and stood up. I saw Mom first, her eyes were red, her nose was runny, and her cheeks were wet. Then I saw Dad. He smiled sadly at me and Ethan.

“We have some bad news,” my mom gasped. I looked back at Dad, waiting and wishing he would just say it already.
“Grandpa’s gone.”

My mom wrapped her arms around me but I didn't feel anything. I saw her mouth moving; but it was like all sound had been turned off. Of course this happened now, only a week before Thanksgiving-if it had Dad would have been crushed. My mom let go of me and I went to my dad. Why is this so hard? I knew what was coming. I felt a drop of water roll down my cheek but that was all that came. I had never seen my dad cry, at least not when his tears actually fell. I heard sobbing and looked over to my brother while I was still hugging my dad, my mom was crying harder now too. Everyone was crying harder than I was. What’s wrong with me? I couldn't help wondering this, even though, Mom always told me it was just how I dealt with pain. I felt Dad pulling away, I knew he would want to be alone with my mom. Right now, feeling alone sounded really good.
 

As my dad continues to comfort and hold me while I let myself go, Ethan comes in and starts to ask if i’m okay, I hate him seeing me so vulnerable. I am always the strong one, but maybe that isn't always a good thing. My dad hands me a glass of water and I sip sparingly. I want the freshness of it to last. I feel better, it is like a weight has lifted off my shoulders and I am the most calm i’ve ever felt before. I start to realize how much I really need my family around me.  At least I have one good thing to remember: I wasn’t around when Grandpa was angry at Grandma.