We lose things all the time, whether it’s something or someone, the value of our loss determines how much we are affected by its absence. Among all of the things we can lose, I think our confidence is the hardest to regain. Self-confidence is something that can’t be taught. It’s something that starts vanishing as soon as you let people’s negativity dictate your life. Sometimes you don’t even know it’s gone until you need it and realize it’s been replaced by self-doubt and insecurities.

I used to think losing confidence was a process, something that happened gradually, over time. But now I realize it’s lost the moment you start comparing yourself to others, at least that’s when I lost mine. I was surrounded by perfect faces, perfect bodies, perfect people, and I was not one of them. I am not one of them. I wanted to be though, so much that I changed who I was in order to become who I thought I wanted to be and in the process I lost myself completely.

I remember the time my insecurities first became a problem for me, I was probably eleven or twelve. I used to look in the mirror for hours pointing out every flaw I had, the list went on and on until I had basically named every feature on my face. My small eyes, abundant freckles, weird teeth… Then, every time I made eye contact with people, I imagined them reading that list in their heads over and over. Criticizing every aspect of myself like I did. That’s what lack of confidence does to you. It makes something so simple like making eye contact become so nerve racking and vulnerable.

My insecurities made me weak; they controlled my life. I became obsessed with what people thought of me and what they were saying behind my back. I tried so hard to please everyone that I forgot who I was. I let numbers determine my happiness; the number of likes my picture got on social media, my weight, my GPA. No matter what they were, they were never good enough. I was never enough.

In a world where being a teenager gets harder every day, I got lost between high expectations and impossible standards. I accumulate more insecurities every day and don’t know how to stop. So many people have told me to just stop caring what people think of me and be myself. But they have no idea how hard that is. How do you stop caring? How do you find yourself after being lost for so long? How do you just wake up one day and decide that you are enough? I guess I’m trying to get there, but I haven’t figured out how to yet. I don’t know who I am and honestly I’m afraid to find out.

It’s painful to think how losing one thing can cause you to lose so much more. Insecurity is an epidemic. It attacks people when they are at their most vulnerable, during their teenage years. It limits their capabilities and determines their self worth. It takes away their confidence, their key to success, and locks it away without ever telling them where it is. Your teenage years are the time where you are supposed to figure out what you want to do with your life, but you can’t do that without knowing who you are, and you can’t know who you are without your confidence. It’s all linked together, remove one thing and your life comes crumbling down.

Confidence is unstable, unreliable, one day you have it; the next day it’s nowhere to be found. I remember when I was younger and it was intact. I would look in the mirror and loved what I saw, and as long as I did, I didn’t need anyone else to. I only needed my approval. And I guess I’m just now realizing that as long as I look for validation in other people in form of their approval, I will never be enough, I will never be happy. So maybe I’ll start there. I’ll try to be good enough for myself and I will see where that takes me.

For anyone who still has confidence, who still has control over their life, who is still themselves, my advice would be this: There is always going to be someone prettier, smarter, better. There is always going to be that one person who tries to bring you down. There is always going to be a moment where you are criticized. Regardless, you should never let these things get to you because you will forget the name of the boy that beat you at that one test, and the name of the girl that your crush asked out, but you will never forget the moment you compared yourself to them because it will be the moment you lose everything. So don’t.