I thought it was a joke the first time. The second time, I thought her account was hacked. Finally, I realized I was being cyberbullied.

I was delighted when I opened my Facebook account one evening to see that the little globe icon had lit up with 6 notifications! I wondered briefly if I had been invited to a party, added to a group or tagged in multiple pictures. I was surprised to see that a friend of mine- let’s call her R - had commented on all my profile pictures till date.  I read her first comment:

“EW ur so ugly”
I laughed, and replied with a “thanks, love ya too.” I thought she was fooling around. Girls my age called each other ‘hoes’ and ‘b****es’ in a loving way (yes, it’s possible), and the first stage of becoming close friends was often to insult each other. Maybe this was her reaching out to me…?

But my heart sank as I read through the other comments.

“What are u?”

“U can’t look uglier in this pic.”

“Everyone looks so pretty here! (except Naina the ugly piece of s***)”

She even started commenting on OTHER people’s pictures of me. Over 15 rude comments on photos of me? Definitely NOT a joke.

I couldn’t figure out why R was doing this, so I messaged her directly, and asked her why she was posting such hateful comments. She replied right away -“Because I hate you.”

Her reply came from left field. R had no REASON to hate me! I was so taken aback that I jumped to the conclusion that this was not R, and I convinced myself that her account had been hacked. I replied to her message by saying “Get off R’s account. Now.”

Looking back, it was probably naïve to believe that R had nothing to do with this. She did; she responded, proving to me that it was indeed her and not a hacker. This leads me to Tip #1.

1. Know the facts
It’s important to understand what cyberbullying is. If someone posts something about you that makes you feel uncomfortable or hurt, chances are you are being cyberbullied. I made the mistake of initially thinking it was a ‘joke.’ I should have gone with my gut feeling and realized that something was wrong.

Take a step back, and realistically assess your situation- always read the post carefully, find out if it is being posted by the account owner and make sure you don’t jump to conclusions.

2. Screenshot! Screenshot! Screenshot!

In my case, messaging R was smart; I had concrete proof that it was her behind the screen- not some hacker or friend.

Take pictures of the comments, posts and chats as soon as you verify the bully. (Now that you’ve come to terms with the fact that you are being cyberbullied, you should to refer to the person as a bully.) Things can get messy - having proof of the incident will prevent the bully from lying or backtracking.

3. To block or not to block-that is the question.
If you can’t stop thinking about the bully or the comments, or if the bully is constantly flooding your account with negativity, block her. It’s important to note that blocking only stops the bully from viewing YOUR profile/account. While the bully won’t be able to contact you or post on your account, she can still post/contact your friends. It works both ways. Once you block her you will not be able to view her profile or contact her. Blocking is different from reporting the user. Reporting, in my experience, has been useless. Blocking is definitely more effective.
In my situation, R kept posting comments the entire weekend, and I finally blocked her because I could not concentrate on anything else. Initially, it helped me calm down. I thought I was safe from her.

Little did I know that she continued to comment on my friends’ pictures of me. Three months later, a mutual friend commented on one of my photos,

“ooh things are gonna get messy”

That comment didn’t make sense to me. It had gotten 19 likes - but why? What was going to get messy?  A close friend of mine sent me a message saying, “Did you see R’s comment on that picture of you in the tank top with a bit of your stomach showing?”

I felt a lump form in my throat. I told her I’d blocked R, so I couldn’t see her comment. She sent me a screenshot. R’s comment, “pls get ur stomach waxed if u decide to wear such s****y clothes” had gotten 28 likes. I was desperate to know what else R had written about me on other people’s photos, but I didn’t want to unblock her because she’d restart bullying me directly.

This leads to tip #4

4. Take a stand.
Independent of whether you’ve decided to block the bully or not, make sure that everyone knows what you’re going through. Ensure the context of the rude comment is clear. Reply to it by saying something like:
“The above comment is an example of cyberbullying. XYZ has been writing hurtful things about me for X months now. I just want to clarify that this is not a joke. Think twice before ‘liking’ something, as it could reflect on your character- just like it is reflecting on XYZ’s.”

When I posted a comment like this, 35 people (juniors, seniors, people I barely knew) liked my comment. I got so many supportive messages! People apologized for liking R’s comment; most of them didn’t know that she was being serious.

Despite the support, I broke down after posting that comment.  I knew it was finally time for tip #5.

5. Pull out the big guns: tell an adult.

It’s important to understand that THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH TELLING A TEACHER, PARENT OR FRIEND ABOUT YOUR SITUATION. If you have done the above steps, but the bully is showing no signs of backing off, it’s time to get an adult involved. Tell your school counselor, your favorite teacher, or your mom and dad. Telling an adult will relieve stress, and together you think of creative solutions which will help you cope! If all else fails, gather your ‘proof’, and tell the head of your school what you’ve gone through. Make sure you present all facts accurately and keep your cool. The matter is now in the hands of an authority. Do not feel like you will be made fun of for tattling, or that the bullying will increase. Instead, people will look up to you and know that you are a courageous individual.

In my case, R had moved to a different state, so I couldn’t confront her or tell her teachers. Instead, I told my mom, and together we decided that I should call R and tell her that I had screenshots of all her comments and would show her school principal and mother if she didn’t stop. I used my mom’s phone to make the call. R didn’t pick up. After one hour she sent a text saying, “I’m sorry for posting all those things, I will remove them immediately.” Turns out she’d saved my mom’s number and thought my mom was calling instead of me. To cut a long story short, she never bothered me again.

In the end, it’s important to remember that the cyberbully only has power behind a screen. You have faced him or her in school, you’ve talked to your friends, and you might have even talked to an adult about it. You have had the courage to face the bully outside the digital world, and that is a huge deal. So who’s the bigger person at the end of the day? You are.