The word “why” has been used in many great discoveries. From asking about why the sky is blue to why people form relationships, that three lettered word has helped people answer their questions. But that simple word is used too much in my life as I constantly ask myself that question.

“Why did I do that?”

I ask this seemingly simple question but they don’t answer. My heart rate speeds up and thoughts get jumbled around in my head. “Did I insult them? Should I avoid that topic? Am I going to lose their trust?” I try to ignore each little bullets but they always hit their mark. 

“Why didn’t I do that?”

The fear of being rejected or ignored causes not only to more fear, but also to regret. It leads to missed opportunities, things I could’ve done, things I could’ve enjoyed. But my fear of being alone separates me from others even more, and as I try to remain positive, it gets harder and harder.

“Why am I like this?”

When I was younger, this fear didn’t exist. I was proud, I was happy, I could easily trust someone. I often wonder what changed. Sometimes, I wish I could do simple, ordinary tasks like ordering food from a restaurant without feeling like I was falling down the stairs. Change is what I desire, but that is also the most elusive. Because if I change, either for the better or worse, I’ll be alone. I don’t want to be alone.

Three-lettered words are small and mainly insignificant. But even small things, like the word “why” can affect people in strange ways.