Everyday we go about our lives having to make decisions. Whether that be the cereal we eat for breakfast, the radio station we listen to on the way to school, or a life altering decision that can change our lives forever. Our lives can easily be influenced by a simple decision you make and may shape who we are today. With age I have realized that the decisions I have to make are more complex and difficult, requiring more thought. They become more difficult than for example the decision to paint my room bright green in the seventh grade and affect more than just myself.

Just over a year ago, I was challenged to make a life altering decision that has affected me everyday since. A week shy of my sixteenth birthday, I found myself sitting in a Surgeon's office with the stale smell of medical supplies lingering in the room. Everyone had always payed attention to the curving of my spine and I became extremely self conscious of my deformity. It was always a thought that crossed my mind that one day they might tell me it was necessary to have surgery, but it seemed implausible. Sitting there in that very moment, I did not realize the lifelong effect that surgery would have on me. Blasted with this wave of emotions I was confused and scared, but most of all angered. I did the most reasonable thing for a fifteen year old girl to do, cry. There the doctor told me I had the choice to receive a spinal fusion to help relieve the pain my back put me through on a daily basis. Without the spinal fusion surgery he informed me that my spine would continue to curve and cause me to be crippled by age twenty. It probably seems mindless to do, have the back surgery, relieve yourself from this pain. The pain that made everyday tasks hard, and the same pain that costed me many hours in the hospital. Yet I still did not want to say “yes” to surgery. I didn’t want to face the fear that woke me up in the middle of the nights when I had dreamt of all the things that could go wrong.

To me it was much more than a month of sitting around recovering, but the scar that would be a constant reminder of a decision I made at the age of fifteen years old. There is no avoiding a scar right down the middle of my back, and there is surely no easy way to hide it either. Not only would my scar be a physical reminder of what I went through, it would entail many stories and memories. As my surgeon continued to discuss the process and procedures of surgery my body became empty.  Endless amounts thoughts came running through my head. Every possibility of something going wrong found a place in my thoughts. Deep down I knew that everything would be okay, but I became terrified that something would go wrong. Saying yes meant various things. My summer would soon go from playing lacrosse, going to concerts, relaxing on beaches, to being spent sitting in bed recovering. I would be captive in my bedroom with my thoughts, and the occasional visitor.  This was all something I was willing to give up to be healthy, but I became angered as my peers would continue on doing what I loved without me.
After discussion, thoughts, and prayers, it was in my best interest as a fifteen year old to go through with a spinal fusion. The pain that my back had brought me was not bearable anymore and I did not want to face any chance of being crippled. From that moment on I learned to be confident with my decision, and have faith that God was guiding me through this entire process. I could not look back  or fear of proceeding on with life. As doctors began routine things like, pre-surgery MRI’s and various test, I became more nervous than ever. I started to rely on others around me and trusted their good word.

July 30th, 2015 I underwent a seven hour spinal fusion surgery, the most life altering decision that I had ever made. From there on out I went into full recovery for thirty days. I was unable to be mobile and move as I had before. My daily routines changed dramatically and the days seemed to drag. I couldn't perform my basic everyday functions without the assistance of others. This became very frustrating to me to lose my sense of independence. I never could have imagined things as simple as walking a few steps or eating being so difficult to do. Friends and family were there to support me along the way. Since then I have learned more about myself and the limits that my body is able to handle. Everyday while I get ready for school I am reminded of my decision. The two foot scar that stretches down my entire torso. My daily reminder of everything I endured. My health has improved since my surgery and will only continue to better. From having this surgery I have learned much more than that doctors are your friends and insurance companies are your enemies. Decisions, no matter how big or small, will be with you for the rest of your life, along with the good and bad memories that accompany it.