Summer Blues | Teen Ink

Summer Blues

January 20, 2017
By Anonymous

Over the summer of 2016, my life took a drop. There isn’t one exact story that can explain why, it just did. There's no story about losing friends, or a big fight. I just stayed home, all by choice. I'm not a fan of the heat, and I don't know how to swim. My parents were always at work, but when they were home there was little to no conversing between the two. I guess that brought me to the attitude where home wasn't home, just a place where there was no fighting, or talking. After ending a rough relationship where I felt useless and used all at the same time, I just wanted to stay inside, alone. I had no desire to go out, or to be with friends.

 

School started and most people asked what I did that summer, “not much” was always my answer. I guess I lied, but it's one of those harmless lies that doesn't affect anyone but yourself, because the more you say “not much” and “yep, I'm fine” the more you think about how you’re not fine. Friends will say “you don't look fine”, but good friends will not give u the option of defending your lie. Good friends know when you're not fine. They make you go out and they make you enjoy yourself, as hard as that may be.


Going out, I was still a bit awkward, I would have a good time but it took time  to get comfortable enough to speak up to the new people I was hanging out with. I guess it’s just a universal problem that nobody wants to be a pushover, but no one wants to seem boring all at the same time.

 

Just like how people hear a song and it takes them back to a time, when I think about my life in September I vision my picture frame. I got the frame from my aunt, at the time I thought  “Wow, what a lame gift”. There’s really nothing special about this picture frame. It has 2 spots for 2 different pictures. One day in the summer when I was so bored I actually took out the frame and hung it on my wall. I did solely out of boredom. I always looked at it, and the happy people in the picture the frame came with, and wondered if i’d ever have a picture of me being happy with someone. It sounds dramatic, even for a 16 year old girl. But I think everyone has a time where they really question if they’re good at anything, if they can do anything exactly right. Unfortunately the time those life questions hit me, I didn't have anyone to talk to. I had my 4 friends from all different schools, and some girls from town that I would hang out with in school. I wasn’t upset or depressed or anything I was just lost in my own world of questions.


In September I started to go out more. I started hanging out on weekends and talking to more people. I started going out with my friends and spending more time with my family. I remember thinking about putting a picture in my frame, I even remember printing out a picture but never got around to putting it in the frame. I also remember my mom always saying “you look a lot better”. I felt it too, I was starting to feel like my old self again, going out and talking to friends. I kept going to those football games too, they were fun and there was normally a party to go to after. They were good, I never really paid attention to football at least not any more than every other girl at the game. My bestfriends boyfriend was on the team so we always stayed after to see him. My life was finally starting to feel like my life again.


In the coming weeks I met someone in a strange way, deciding to just follow instinct instead of worrying what would happen, I met my best friend. I almost look at it as my final step of healing. Who knows why that summer went so poorly, but by the end of that week I had met someone who had changed my life and still never ceases to amaze me every day. Through taking a picture, and just going for what I wanted, I met someone really important. Someone who saw my reaching hand from the hole I had dug myself into, and pulled me out. The frame in my room now hangs with a picture of two happy people, just as it always has. Except, now the picture isn't of who I wanted and hoped to be, the picture is of me.

 

The theme of my narrative was that if you have a goal or a dream or just a simple wish, there is nothing standing in your way accept yourself. I got myself into a slump in the summer, that was me standing in the way of myself goals. I had a dream to be my old self again, and to go out and make friends, once I opened myself up to other people and made an effort, I made friends. The choice to just walk up to someone and ask to take a picture. I always and will forever tell myself to go for whatever I want in life. If I had not asked for that picture, then not replied to a text message, and decided to not go out on a whim and meet someone in person, I would not be as happy as I am today. I met someone who has changed my outlook on life and that I can share stories, struggles, accomplishments, and failures with. Having a best friend to share everything with brought me out of the struggling times I was in. The symbolism used in my narrative was my picture frame. It represented the happiness I was seeing but not feeling, then the happiness I was being opened up to, then finally replacing hopes of finding someone I really love, with realities of having someone who will always be there for me through thick and thin.



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